0010010014 DETROIT FREE PRESS 001001 Sunday, October 01, 2000 METRO FINAL

COM; CHOICES

1E MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 2000, Detroit Free Press GOOD, BAD AND UGLY AT OLYMPICS SYDNEY, Australia -- The Olympics end today. The final medals will be decided. But I'm ready to name my own winners and losers of the past few weeks. By the way, I am a purist. Only gold ...and tin. Olympic Comeback * Gold: To out-of-retirement swimmers Jenny Thompson and Dara Torres. They came. They saw. They delivered. * Tin: To French track diva Marie-Jose Perec. She came. She saw. She ran away. New Olympic Event * Gold: Triathlon. Every time you watch it, you think "grueling." * Tin: Trampoline. Every time you watch it, you think "gym class." Spectator Event * Gold: Beach volleyball. No one's watching the ball. * Tin: Table tennis. No one can see the ball. Endorsement Opportunities * Gold: Marion Jones. Every company in America would have her. * Tin: C.J. Hunter. Even the doughnut shop doesn't want him. Olympic Excuse * Gold: Aussie boxer Bradley Hore, 18, who couldn't make weight because he'd grown 2 inches since qualifying. * Tin: The Kazakhstan coach, nabbed with 15 vials of human growth hormone. He said it was for his baldness. Olympic Quote * Gold: The Italian medalist who said before his drug test: "Cut me open. All you'll find is pasta and marinara sauce." * Tin: The Australian walker who was disqualified 200 meters from winning her 20-kilometer race. When asked what she needed, she said, "A gun to shoot myself." Shocking Moment * Gold: When Rulon Gardner, the unheralded Wyoming farm boy, beat the unbeatable Siberian Bear, Alexandre Karelin, in Greco-Roman wrestling. * Tin: Finding out they eat kangaroos down here -- with barbecue sauce. Olympic Sportsmanship * Gold: To tae kwon do's Esther Kim, who sacrificed her spot so her best friend, Kay Poe, could go to these Olympics. Good on ya, Esther. * Tin: U.S. swimmer Amy Van Dyken. She spits in the lane of the opponent next to her. Yuck. Olympic Spirit * Gold: Aguida Agalar, the marathoner from war-torn East Timor. Finished third-from-last -- and still kissed the ground. * Tin: U.S. men's basketball team. Can finish first -- and still lose interest. Olympic State of Denial * Gold: C.J. Hunter. * Tin: NBC. Most Photogenic Aussie * Gold: Pole vaulter Tatiana Grigorieva. Think Heather Locklear. * Tin: Long jumper Jai Taurima. Think Weird Al Yankovic. Olympic Water Story * Gold: Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea. He gave new meaning to the words "swim slow." * Tin: The sharks in Sydney Harbor. Gave new meaning to the words "swim fast." Home Team Performance * Gold: Cathy Freeman, the 400-meter gold medalist, who helped unite her nation, black and white. * Tin: Whoever set the vault 5 centimeters too low. No wonder the gymnasts were black and blue. Olympic Secret * Gold: To USA Track & Field, which hides its drug-testing results better than Los Alamos hides its nuclear secrets. * Tin: NBC's delayed TV broadcast. I'll let you in on something: The Olympics actually ended last week. They just haven't been televised yet. Contact MITCH ALBOM at 313-223-4581 or albom@freepress.com. Catch Mitch's radio shows -- "Albom in the Afternoon" 3-6 p.m. weekdays and "Monday Sports Albom" 7-9 p.m. Mondays -- on WJR-AM (760). THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED ARTICLE. COLUMN;OLYMPIC