8901020712
DETROIT FREE PRESS
890113
Friday, January 13, 1989
METRO FINAL
1D
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1989, Detroit Free Press
GLASSY SUPER BOWL FOR YOU BOTTLENECKS
THE LIVE ALBOM:
* Well, I might as well get my Super Bowl prediction in right now. The final
score will be 23-20.
* That's Bud Light 23, regular Bud 20.
* Can you believe supposedly intelligent human beings will spend millions for
an animated game between beer bottles? During commercials?
* The saddest part is, it will probably be better than San
Francisco-Cincinnati.
* Our luck, the Lions will draft a long neck.
* I knew I'd seen Dick Versace's hair before.
* No, I do not have all the answers to the Pistons' problems. I do know five
words that would help: Give-the-ball-to-Dantley.
* Why isn't he shooting more? And don't tell me he's gun- shy because he
got whacked in the mouth. AD's been whacked in worse places.
* Actually, the gun-shy ones are the referees who suddenly refuse to call
fouls on AD's defenders. Hey. Refs. What gives? Don't penalize a guy because
he's learned to score within the rules.
* Quick. Name three places where you can read "War and Peace" in its
entirety: 1) the library; 2) state prison; 3) the Palace parking lot.
* Poor Eddie (the Eagle) Edwards. He finally had that big ski jump accident.
When asked in the hospital of his plans, he said, "I guess I'll go back to
being Woody (the Eagle) Allen, and do Bananas II."
* Listen. I have a better way for Dave Winfield and George Steinbrenner to
wage a media war: Why don't they sail off to some island and slap each other
with rolled-up newspapers?
* And another thing: If we're going to start talking baseball this early in
the year -- Tigers party, etc. -- then, darn it, I want the weather to be
warmer.
* Deion Sanders gets arrested but plays in the Sugar Bowl. Hart Lee Dykes
squeals on four football programs, then plays in the Hula Bowl. Why do I get
the feeling we're not all paying the piper here?
* Speaking of which, the arrest of Lion Pete Mandley on a charge of domestic
violence toward his wife should not be buried in the back pages. This is a
tragic problem in America, and we overlooked it enough in the Mike
Tyson-Robin Givens fiasco.
* So Jacques Demers may enter the restaurant business, with a Southfield eat &
drink called Jacques Demers' Place. Or, for the French food lover, Place du
Jacques. I hear it will serve a lovely Coquille St. Jacques. And a seafood
dish called Jacques Cousteau. And many celebrities will attend, including
Jacques Morris, Jacques Nicholson and Pat SaJacques.
* The only problem is, when they say "Check, please," the waitress slams them
into the wall.
* Don't look now, but the Bengals may be working on a dance video, a la the
Chicago Bears. Here is a possible first verse:
WE ARE THE BENGALS' SHUFFLIN' CREW
ICKEY ICKEY SHAKE, WE DO IT FOR YOU
WE'LL PLAY THE GAME,
TILL HALF-PAST TEN
THEN TURN INTO BEER BOTTLES
AND DO IT AGAIN. . . . SHAKE!
* Speaking of the Super Bowl, I have been invited to a Miami party, which
promises a delicious menu, "plus Mr. Spuds MacKenzie."
* If only this were Korea: Spuds could be the menu.
* Notre Dame head coach Lou Holtz is constantly poking fun at his humble
roots. You would too, if, prior to your coaching career, you played Gilbert in
"Revenge Of The Nerds."
Mitch Albom's sports-talk show, "The Sunday Sports Albom," airs Sunday from 9
to 11 p.m. on WLLZ 98.7-FM. Guests include Dick Vitale, Dan Dierdorf and Jerry
Green.
CUTLINE
Notre ... Nerd?
Wolfgang Amadeus ... Versace?
Eddie as Eddie ... Eddie as Woody