8602090828
DETROIT FREE PRESS
860905
Friday, September 05, 1986
METRO FINAL
7E
Photo Associated Press
MITCH ALBOM
SPECIAL SECTION;football;AFC
Copyright (c) 1986, Detroit Free Press
EXPECT ELWAY AND WEIRD WAYS FOR '86
What will happen in the NFL this year:
The Giants will win the Super Bowl.
The Broncos will lose it.
The Lions will be lucky to reach .500.
"Why?" you ask.
"Wait a second," I say.
Eric Dickerson will lead the league in rushing. Kelvin Bryant will gain
more than 1,000 yards. Lawrence Taylor will get mean again and eat the bench.
The Chicago Bears will drop an early season game, then another one, then a
drug scandal will erupt, and Mike Ditka will call the players "sissies," and
then they will start to win again.
"Why?" you ask.
"Uno momento," I say.
San Francisco will be better than people expect. Tampa Bay will be worse.
The Eagles will improve, but Buddy Ryan will throw one player off the team
each week and replace him with a farm animal. The Saints will stink. The
Bills will stink. The Rams will discover Steve Bartkowski isn't any better
than the other stiffs they've used at quarterback, and he will be shot.
"Why?" you ask.
"Just a moment," I say.
The Lions, like last year, will lose on the road. This year they will also
lose at home. Eric Hipple will be up and down. Therefore, Joe Ferguson will be
down and up. Chuck Long will be up and down, but only to hand someone the
clipboard.
The Vikings will be better than last year. The Packers will be worse. The
Colts will be the Colts. James Wilder will finally get tired of carrying the
offense in Tampa Bay, and will tackle himself.
"Why?" you ask.
"Hold on," I say.
Herschel Walker will start slowly for Dallas. Tony Dorsett will snicker.
Then Dorsett will get hurt, and Walker will be called upon as the star
running back, and he will bowl people over and take away all of Dorsett's
endorsement contracts.
Dallas will finish tied for second in the NFC East -- alongside
Washington, St. Louis and Philadelphia. Nobody will finish lower than second
in that division.
Meanwhile, nobody will finish higher than second in the AFC Central.
Cleveland will be the top runner-up, and Cincinnati will finish fourth and
Pittsburgh and Houston will tie for eighth. "Why?" you ask.
"Patience . . . " I say.
John Elway will have the season of his career. Dan Marino will be sacked,
injured, sacked, injured. Ken O'Brien will have a decent season and the Jets'
personnel department will come out from under its desks and say, "See? We
told you so." Jim Plunkett will win his job back for the Raiders. Tony Eason
will regain his confidence in New England. Jim Plunkett will lose his job for
the Raiders. Bernie Kosar will establish himself in Cleveland, then buy an
earring. Jim Kelly will throw for 3,000 yards and the Bills will lose every
game.
Cincinnati will play San Diego and the score will be 99-97. The Giants
will play the Rams and the score will be 1-0. Chicago will play Philadelphia
and Ditka and Ryan will go four rounds at halftime. Everybody will ignore
Kansas City and -- who's that other team? -- oh, yeah, Seattle.
"Why, why, why?" you ask.
"Wait, wait, wait," I say.
Defenses will dominate. Sacks will be the order of the week. The
interception will be celebrated, the new end-zone dance will be The Slam. The
Giants will cut their own video, Playboy will do a pictorial on the LA
Raiders' cheerleaders, and the season will be complete.
"W--," you say.
"Ah, ah, ah . . . " I say.
What about Pittsburgh? What about San Diego? What about Gary Hogeboom in
Indianapolis? What about John Hannah retiring from the Patriots? What about
the impending strike next year? What about the drug problem? What about the 46
defense, the 45-man roster, the instant-replay rule? What about all this?
What about it?
The Giants will win the Super Bowl.
The Broncos will lose it.
The Lions will be lucky to reach .500.
Those are my predictions. That is what will happen.
"BUT . . . WHHHHHHYYY?" you ask.
"Why not?" I say.
CUTLINE
John Elway will run and pass for the season of his career.
JOHN ELWAY; FOOTBALL