8702130472
DETROIT FREE PRESS
870913
Sunday, September 13, 1987
METRO FINAL
6D
MITCH ALBOM
the picks
Copyright (c) 1987, Detroit Free Press
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
WELL HELLOOO AGAIN! Let's get started on this year's NFL picks. Ready? No.
Hold it. First I have a question. Answer me honestly:
Let's say that last year you successfully picked five of six division
winners, both conference winners, and the Super Bowl winner -- all back in
September.
What would you do?
Can I answer? You would charter a very large yacht, equipped with things
like a handball court and a pizza oven, and you would surround yourself with
beautiful, skinny, blond-haired models whose sole responsibility on the voyage
is to make sure there is enough ice.
And you would retire.
Am I right?
Yes. Well. This is what I proposed to my boss last year after successfully
picking five of six division winners, both conference champions, and the Super
Bowl -- back in September. I put it all in a nice neat memo. Typed it myself.
Including the cost. Which came to, oh, I don't know, somewhere around
$5,475,000, without the pizza oven. But I figured that was fair. Hey. How many
other people picked New York over Denver -- back in September? And then I
went home to pack.
And then the phone rang.
And I picked it up.
And it was my boss.
I woke up in the hospital, several days later, with a severely punctured
eardrum.
And here I am. Happy to see me? How's that? Could you speak up please?
And now, the picks . . .
MINNESOTA 24, LIONS 13: One day during training camp last month, I saw
the Lions receivers run a drill in which all they had to do was catch four
consecutive passes. None of them did it on the first try. I promised myself
right then I was picking against these guys until proven wrong.
SEATTLE 17, DENVER 14: And I'm still not buying any of Vance Johnson's
artwork.
LA RAIDERS 23, GREEN BAY 14: The Raiders are baaaad, as in good. The
Packers are baaad, as in bad.
NEW ENGLAND 31, MIAMI 24: Once upon a time this game would have been a
classic. Once upon a time, the Dolphins had a defense.
SAN FRANCISCO 23, PITTSBURGH 14: In last year's opener, the 49ers lost Joe
Montana to a back injury. They still made the playoffs. What could possibly
worry them anymore?
CLEVELAND 30, NEW ORLEANS 10: Once again, the nice people of New Orleans
hold their breath as the season begins. And then they puke.
WASHINGTON 33, PHILADELPHIA 12: Any team the Lions beat 36-3 -- pre-season
or no pre-season -- had better start praying.
BUFFALO 17, NY JETS 13: All right? Are you happy? I'm finally picking
Buffalo to win a game. And if they lose, I'm never picking them again.
DALLAS 21, ST. LOUIS 20: I know the Cowboys are sinking. I know the
Cowboys are not what they used to be. I know all this. I pick them anyway.
TAMPA BAY 17, ATLANTA 10: All right? Are you happy? I'm finally picking
Tampa Bay to win a game. And if they lose . . .
LA RAMS 14, HOUSTON 7: For a guy named Moon, he spends a lot of time on his
back, doesn't he?
CINCINNATI 35, INDIANAPOLIS 13: BOOM! Or, uh, Booomer. Whatever.
KANSAS CITY 23, SAN DIEGO 17: I give new Chiefs coach Frank Gansz one game
to decide how to spell his name. Either a "z" or an "s." Make up your mind,
buster.
(MONDAY NIGHT) CHICAGO 24, NY GIANTS 21: It always takes Super Bowl champs
at least one game to stop reading their autobiographies and get going.