8602230988
DETROIT FREE PRESS
861127
Thursday, November 27, 1986
METRO FINAL
1G
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1986, Detroit Free Press
THANKS ... AND NO THANKS AT THE DETROIT SPORTS TABLE
"Listen, everyone. I'd like to say a few words."
"GO AHEAD, SPARKY! . . . DO IT! . . . Yo, man, pass the gravy. . . . "
"Well, we're all here for our annual Detroit Sports Thanksgiving Dinner,
and like I always say, it ain't no Thanksgiving if there ain't no thanks,
ain't it?"
"TELL 'EM, SPARKY!"
"So why don't we each take a turn and thank the big left- hander upstairs
for our blessings."
"YEAH! . . . Who's upstairs? . . . DO IT!"
"Chuck, why don't you and Isiah begin? The Pistons must have a thank-you
list."
"Well, we'd like to thank the Silverdome for being so big that we have to
move elsewhere, and Kelly Tripucka for being so gracious in his departure, and
Milwaukee for being kind enough to lose a few games while we figure out who we
are."
"And I want to thank my Mom."
"OHHHH, ISIAH! . . . YUK, YUK."
"That was very nice. Eric and Joe, you Lions quarterbacks probably have
plenty to be thankful for, right?"
"Yeah, I'm thankful I can still walk."
"And I'm thankful I can still throw."
"And we're both thankful Chuck Long is here so he can play against Charles
Martin today."
"SLAM, BAM, THANK YOU, MAN! . . . YUK, YUK . . . GOOD ONE. . . .
"Pipe down, boys. Now then, we have a new guest at our table this year.
Jacques Demers, coach of the Red Wings. Jacques, I guess they don't celebrate
this back where you come from, but we ain't picky. Welcome to our
Thanksgiving."
"Merci beaucoup."
"HEY, BO! HE CALLED YOU A COO!"
"HE DID NOT. HE ASKED FOR MERCY!"
"Oh, heck, guys, I'm going to the Rose Bowl. I don't get upset over little
things like that anymore. Pass the potatoes, will ya? . . . NO, NO! MOVE BACK
IN THE POCKET BEFORE YOU PASS!"
"Bo, calm down! It's Thanksgiving. Don't you have anyone to thank?"
". . . Uh, sure. I'd like to thank the sports writers who were kind enough
to tell me when to throw and when to run, and when I should go for it on
fourth down, and when I shouldn't. I don't know where I'd be without you
media guys."
"THANKS BO!"
"Jerks."
"OK, how about my Tigers. Hey, Kirk. You want to say thanks for
anything?"
"Nah."
"How about you, Lou?"
"...........
"How about Lance? . . . Lance? How about Jack? Is Jack here? . . . Larry?
Larry? Hmm. They must be at their agent's houses."
"GO ON TO SOMEONE ELSE!"
"YEAH. THE FOOD'S GETTIN' COLD."
"Awright, awright. Let's hear from someone new. Petr Klima? Your turn."
"I very happy to be here and to celebrate my freedom in this great
country."
"That's very nice, Petr."
"And my Mercedes, and my VCR, and cellular telephone, and, how you say,
Gucci? . . . "
"Thank you, Petr. Ernie, how about you?"
"Helloooo, everybody. Welcome to our table, and a special Tigers
Thanksgiving greeting goes out to Rose from Livonia, and Thomas and Erma from
Wyandotte, and Vivian and her grandchildren from Port Huron, and . . . "
"Uh, we'll come back to you, Ernie. How about you, Bill Frieder?"
"I'm thankful to have the two most highly recruited algebra students in the
country."
"George Perles?"
"I'm just thankful this season is over. . . . It is over, isn't it?"
"Tommy Hearns?"
"I'm thankful Sugar Ray Leonard gets to have his head bashed in by Marvin
Hagler instead of me. I'm . . . so thankful . . . I . . . could . . .
baaaaaaahhhhh!"
"Darryl Rogers?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHEN CHUCK LONG'S GONNA START! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME--"
"Easy, Darryl. Easy."
"Sorry. Maybe I better have some turkey."
"The one shaped like Willie Hernandez?"
"That'll be fine."
"Uh, men, maybe that's enough speeches for now. Let's just sum up the
Detroit sports year with a moment of silence, to say thanks for all the . . .
all the . . . well, whatever we brought to Detroit this year -- and let's
pray that next year ain't the same, especially in the bullpen."
"YEAH! . . . RIGHT! . . . QUIET, YOU DOPE!"
(One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand . . .
"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"
"LET'S EAT!"
"Urp!"
"Hey. Who invited Ditka?"
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