8802250284
DETROIT FREE PRESS
881218
Sunday, December 18, 1988
METRO FINAL CHASER
1D
MITCH ALBOM
SEE ALSO METRO EDITION page 1D
Copyright (c) 1988, Detroit Free Press
AS THE SAYING GOES: LAST WORDS OF 1988
I like words. Words are my business. But usually, as the sports year draws to
a close, all we look back on is action. The great plays. The winning moments.
Nobody remembers the colorful, fascinating and often boneheaded things people
said during the course of the year. Least of all the athletes. Remember when
Mike Tyson said, "Till death do us part"? You think he wants to be reminded
of that?
Nonetheless, I have spent all year saving up these great nuggets of
sportstalk. And I have spent the last week digging them out from behind my
desk. Some, in retrospect, look wise. Some look foolish. And some look just
plain embarrassing.
But they said them. I promise. Which is the best? You be the judge.
Without further delay, I present this year's nominees for Most Memorable
Quotes In Sports Talk, 1988.
* Tom Monaghan, Tigers owner, after Kirk Gibson left for the Dodgers: "He was
a disgrace to the Tiger uniform with his half- beard, half-stubble. . . . The
Tigers are better off without him. . . ."
* Tom Monaghan, Tigers owner, after a swarm of criticism: "I'm pulling for
the Dodgers in the World Series. Kirk has really been tremendous."
* Larry Holmes, boxer, a few weeks before facing Mike Tyson: "This is for
pride, not for money."
* Larry Holmes, a few hours after Tyson knocked him out: "Hey, I got my three
million dollars."
* Chuck Daly, Pistons coach, after a particularly bad loss: "Practice today
will last just long enough to throw up."
* Sparky Anderson, Tigers manager, in August: "There's 50 games left. If we
get the pitching, we're gonna win it."
* John McEnroe, tennis player: "Tennis is boring with me, and ridiculous
without me."
* Charlie Francis, coach for sprinter Ben Johnson, two months before the
steroid-ruined Summer Olympics: "Ben's getting faster at his event. He might
go as fast as 9.79."
* Mike Tyson, heavyweight champion, in September: "I love my wife. I'm never
gonna leave her."
* Mike Tyson, heavyweight champion, in November: "She's a bitch."
* Robin Givens, wife of Mike Tyson: "Why does everybody hate me? I'm the
nicest person I know."
* Mitch Green, boxer: "Tyson wears panties."
* Jim Schoenfeld, New Jersey hockey coach, to referee Don Koharski: "HEY!
HAVE ANOTHER DOUGHNUT, YOU FAT PIG!"
* Lance Parrish, Phillies catcher, to his pitching staff: "The way you hold
runners on, God couldn't throw them out."
* Dan Fouts, former San Diego Chargers quarterback: "Now that I'm retired, I
want to say that all defensive linemen are sissies."
* Eddie (The Eagle) Edwards, British ski jumper, on his Calgary Olympic
efforts: "I was so frightened, my bum shriveled up like a prune."
* David Santee, ABC ice skating announcer, informing Canadian Brian Orser that
he just lost the Olympic gold to the USA's Brian Boitano: "Brian, I have some
good news and some bad news. . . ."
* Petr Klima, Red Wings forward, in April: "This is it. My third year. I play
good now or I'm bleeped."
* Jacques Demers, Red Wings coach, in April: "We worked so hard to
rehabilitate Bob Probert. I think we've made tremendous improvement."
* Larry Brown, Kansas basketball coach, on speculation he would take a job
with an NBA team: "It's all very silly. Kansas has been wonderful to me. I
don't anticipate leaving."
* George Steinbrenner, Yankees owner: "Billy Martin is my manager. Case
closed."
* Jeff Robinson, Tigers pitcher, in August: "We feel we're the best team in
the AL East. Nobody wants to believe that. After we win the World Series,
they'll still be saying, 'What a fluke!' "
* Jack Morris, Tigers pitcher, when asked the name of a piece of Tchaikovsky
music: "I, uh, think it's from his greatest hits album."
* Willie Pep, former featherweight champion, on reports of his death: "Naw,
I'm not dead. I ain't even been out of the house."
* John Salley, Pistons forward, narrating his home movie during the NBA
Finals: "OK, now here we have a picture of Rick Mahorn's butt. . . . Wait. Let
me back up a little. . . ."
* Dennis Rodman, Pistons forward, when asked what he would do once the
championship series had ended: "I don't know. Maybe drive across the United
States or something."
* John Brophy, Toronto Maple Leafs coach, on Red Wing Miroslav Frycer: "I'm
sick and tired of that communist. He sneaked out from a hole in a wire fence
somewhere, and now he shoots his mouth off."
* Miroslav Frycer on John Brophy: "He's the worst human being I've ever met.
And that's including communists."
* Peter Pocklington, Edmonton Oilers owner: "Wayne Gretzky has an ego the
size of Manhattan."
* William Clay Ford, Lions owner: "We're boring and we're losing."
* Chuck Long, Lions quarterback, after his knee injury: "I'll be back sooner
than they think."
* Darryl Rogers, Lions coach: "Of course I expect to be here next year. Every
coach expects that."
So there you have them. This year's nominees for Most Memorable Sports
Quotes. One can only wonder what 1989 has in store.
Of course, there's still two weeks left in 1988.
Mr. Monaghan? Any thoughts?
Mitch Albom's sports-talk show "The Sunday Sports Albom" can be heard
tonight from 9-11 on WLLZ 98.7-FM. Guests include: Bill Laimbeer, Billy Sims
and Tony Mandarich.