8603010651
DETROIT FREE PRESS
861225
Thursday, December 25, 1986
METRO FINAL
1D
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1986, Detroit Free Press
NOT ALL PRESENCE OF MIND IS HERE WITH THESE PRESENTS
"Open a present, Jack."
"OK."
"What is it?"
"It's a contract. A five-year, $10 million contract from the Giants."
"Oh, that's wonderful, honey! What a lovely Christmas gift! And you
thought all the major league teams were in some sort of conspira--"
"The Tokyo Giants."
"Oh."
**
"Open it, Lajoie."
"OK, Campbell."
"Who's it from?"
"The Lance Parrish Fan Club."
"Wait a minute. Listen."
"What?"
"It's . . . ticking . . . "
**
"Open the big one, Darryl."
"Yes, dear."
"It's such a big box, Darryl."
"Yes, dear."
"Oh, my . . . it's a . . . it's a . . . "
"Yep. Just like I asked Santa. A linebacker."
**
"Go ahead, Isiah. Open it."
"All right. Hey. It's Christmas bulbs."
"And make sure you leave them on when you leave the house."
"Oh, Mom . . . "
**
"Open a present, Kirk."
"How about this one? It says 'To Kirk.' "
"What is it?"
"It's . . . a . . . damn it. Look. It's a box of Pampers. It must be from
the sports writers, those morons. They got a lot of nerve. Wait'll I get down
to spring training. I'm gonna show those candy-butts a thing or two, I'm
gonna--"
"Honey."
"What?"
"That was for the baby."
**
"Open yours first, Chris."
"No, you go first, Martina."
"Really Chris, I insist."
"Uh-uh, Martina. Be my guest."
"Chris."
"Martina."
"CHRIS!"
"MARTINA!"
**
"Open it, Flutie."
"Gee . . . sunglasses and a headband. Who's it from, coach Ditka?"
"Hmmm. Let me guess. . . .
**
"OPEN IT, TESTAVERDE."
"What? This big box? Is this from you guys?"
"YEAH. IT'S YOUR NEW WALLET."
"Very funny."
**
"Bo, this is from me to you."
"Thanks, Harbaugh. . . . Hey! A whistle!"
"Turn it over."
"Michigan 21, Arizona State 13"
"I guarantee it."
"You son of a gun. You know, you're the best damn quarterback I ever had
here."
"Uh . . . thanks, Bo. Thanks a lot."
"Jim? . . . Are you . . . crying?"
"Bo? . . . Are . . . you? . . . "
**
"Hey, Lajoie?
"Yes, Campbell?
"It's still ticking . . . "
**
"OPEN IT, COACH JACQUES!"
"OK, men. . . . Oooh, this is very nice. A puck that says Feliz Navidad."
"THAT'S FRENCH, RIGHT, COACH?"
"Close enough, men."
**
Open it.
"OK."
What is it?
"It's a Free Press sports column. And it has some funny- looking guy's
picture at the top, and all it says is 'THANKS FOR READING, DETROIT. HAVE THE
HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS AND A JOYOUS NEW YEAR.' "
Hmmm.
"I wonder who it's from."
Take a guess.
Merry Christmas.
HOLIDAY;ANECDOTE;COLUMN