9101040804
DETROIT FREE PRESS
910127
Sunday, January 27, 1991
METRO FINAL
1F
Photo Associated Press
:
Chicago Bears quarterback Jim McMahon provided one of the low
moments in 1986.
In one of the most entertaining plays in Super Bowl history,
Miami placekicker Garo Yepremian (1), managed to turn his
blocked field goal attempt into a touchdown for the opposition
in 1973. The Washington Redskins' Mike Bass intercepted
Yepremian's desperate pass and scored.
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1991, Detroit Free Press
TAKING A LOOK BACK AT THE NOT-SO-SUPER 25
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you
John Elway hopes you roll over
and choke to death
Happy birthday to you.
TAMPA, Fla. -- Here's my point. Not everyone is crazy about the Super
Bowl. Not every memory of Super Sunday is so great you want to see it over and
over again, in slow motion, with music behind it. Ask Elway. He reached the
Super Bowl three times in four years, and his personal highlight was hot
water in the shower.
Tonight's matchup between Buffalo and the New York Giants marks the 25th
anniversary of the Big Game, which means every TV station and newspaper this
side of Mozambique is running a special tribute: the "Silver Anniversary of
the Super Bowl," "A Quarter Century of Great Moments." Now, don't get me
wrong; there were plenty of terrific memories. But personally, if I see Joe
Namath walk off that field with his arm raised one more time, I'm going to
throw up.
Which got me to thinking: We've seen the highlights, a million times. But
how about an anniversary list of the Not- So-Super moments -- the weird, the
embarrassing, the trivial, the hysterical? I bet a friend I could come up with
at least one good item per year, plus a list of crazy quotes that would
certainly make Victor Kiam close the locker room. If he ever got to the Super
Bowl. Which is not likely in our lifetime.
So here we go: the Not-So-Super 25. (By the way, rule No. 1 for this
tribute is no Roman numerals when referring to Super Bowls. I don't understand
Roman numerals. I don't know anyone who understands Roman numerals. The last
Roman to play in the NFL was Gabriel. And I bet he couldn't tell you which
one Super Bowl XXIV was, either.)
The Not-So-Super 25 * 1967. Bartender, I'll have what he had. You thought the
first Super Bowl was all power and glory? Ask Max McGee, a reserve receiver
for the Green Bay Packers, who was so sure he wouldn't play that he sneaked
out the night before, had a few drinks, met a stewardess, and crawled back
into his room before sunrise. During the game that afternoon, he nursed a
hangover while sitting on the bench next to Paul Hornung. They were talking
about a bachelor party for a teammate when Vince Lombardi, the Packers coach,
screamed "McGEE!"
Max thought he was going to get chewed out for blowing curfew. Instead,
Lombardi sent him in for an injured player. McGee, hangover and all, caught
seven passes and scored two touchdowns as the Packers beat the Chiefs, 35-10.
All this, without aspirin.
* 1968. I can't explain it, but I feel kinda tight. In the second Super Bowl,
again won by Green Bay, Packers lineman Jerry Kramer was so excited he played
the game with his shorts on backwards.
* 1969. Me? I thought you had it. After upsetting the Colts, 16-7, in the most
important and most replayed game in Super Bowl history, Joe Namath and the
New York Jets accidently left their championship trophy at the hotel.
* 1970. Hey, I was joking! Joe Kapp, quarterback for the Vikings, was so
sure his team would beat the Chiefs in the fourth Super Bowl, that instead of
splitting the money, he suggested a "winner take all" purse.
The Vikings lost, 23-7.
* 1971. Oh, yeah, how would he know? Dallas tight end Mike Ditka, who
would later become coach of the Chicago Bears, had a running feud with
Baltimore linebacker Mike Curtis in the 1971 Super Bowl. At one point, in the
heat of battle, Ditka embarrassed Curtis with this remark: "You tackle like
people make love."
Hmmm.
Time out for a few classic quotes: * Duane Thomas, Dallas running back, before
the 1972 Super Bowl: "If this is the ultimate game, how come they're playing
it again next year?"
* George Allen, Washington coach, before the 1973 Super Bowl: "To win this
game, I'd let you stick a knife in me and draw out all the blood."
Now, back to our anniversary list . . . * 1972. Isn't there some hotel you
have to bug? President Richard Nixon, a big football fan, thought he could
contribute to a Miami victory by drawing up a secret play. He designed a
down-and-in pass pattern for receiver Paul Warfield, then sent it to coach Don
Shula. "I think Paul will be open," Nixon said.
Shula, a good American, tried the play three times on Super Sunday
against Dallas. It failed all three times. The Dolphins lost. Nixon resigned.
* 1973. Yes, now can I have my oxygen back, please? The most celebrated
blunder in Super Bowl history came when Garo Yepremian, the diminutive Miami
placekicker, took a blocked field goal attempt and tried to throw a pass. The
ball floated like a punched balloon and was grabbed, mid-air, by Mike Bass of
the Redskins, who returned it for a touchdown. Fortunately for Yepremian, that
was the only Redskins score; Miami still won, 14-7.
The play, as you know, made Garo famous. But years later, Bass, who now
owns a resort in the Caribbean, was scuba diving when a man swam past and
frantically waved for him to surface. Thinking the man was in trouble, Bass
followed. When they reached the top, the man pulled off his mask and blurted,
"Aren't you the guy who caught Garo's pass?"
Some plays are just too good to forget.
* 1974. Hut . . . hut . . . hut? Fans were impressed with Miami's second
consecutive Super Bowl win, a 24-7 drubbing of the Minnesota Vikings. Still,
the play of the game had to be in the second quarter, with the ball near the
Minnesota goal line. Miami quarterback Bob Griese came to the line -- and
forgot the snap count. He blanked. Too embarrassed to call time-out, and
afraid that asking his center would give it away, Griese spun around to
running back Larry Csonka.
"What's it on, Zonk?"
"Two," said Csonka.
"No, it's on one," said halfback Jim Kiick.
"Two," said Csonka.
"One," said Kiick.
Griese went with two. It was one. He bobbled the ball, pushed it into
Csonka's chest, and Csonka scored a touchdown anyhow.
Maybe it was three.
* 1975. A bombastic, iconoclastic act of jocularity. This was the year the
Pittsburgh Steelers finally won it all. And Minnesota lost again. Still, maybe
the best moment came when several Vikings -- fulfilling many an American dream
-- stood on the balcony of a New Orleans hotel, and dumped a bucket of water
on Howard Cosell's head, soaking his hairpiece.
It is not known whether Guillermo Hernandez was in the room.
* 1976. We'll check storage and see if we have any. During Super Bowl week
between the Steelers and the Cowboys, a reporter asked running back Franco
Harris what type of women he liked.
"I like 35-24-35 millionaire nymphomaniacs," he answered.
Hmmm.
Time out for a few more classic quotes: * Cincinnati linebacker Reggie
Williams, after the Bengals lost to the 49ers in the 1982 Super Bowl: "We're
just like the other 27 teams in the league now. We're losers."
* Denver coach Dan Reeves, before his Broncos lost to San Francisco, 55-10:
"We could pull off the second greatest upset in sports here."
Now, back to our list: * 1977. No wonder he got elected. After Minnesota lost
to Oakland, All-Pro lineman Alan Page accused Raiders guard Gene Upshaw of
holding on every play. "He'll go into the Hall of Fame for holding," said
Page. "If you want to get around him, you have to go all the way to East Los
Angeles."
Upshaw went on to become head of the the NFL Players Union.
* 1978. Yuck. In the fourth quarter of this Dallas-Denver showdown, fullback
Robert Newhouse was called upon to throw a pass. Only his hands were coated
with stickum. "I was shocked," he recalled. "I began licking my fingers. I'd
never eaten that much stickum in my life."
He threw the pass. For a touchdown.
Towel, please.
* 1979. And if we spot you the d-u-m? Dallas linebacker Thomas (Hollywood)
Henderson made headlines by saying Pittsburgh quarterback Terry Bradshaw "is
so dumb, he couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the 'c' and the 'a.' "
Pittsburgh won. Bradshaw threw four touchdowns and won the MVP.
Henderson would later wind up in jail.
* 1980. Now when was the last time that happened? The Los Angeles Rams
reached the Super Bowl by defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the NFC
championship game.
Time out for quotes: * Patriots kicker Tony Franklin, when asked about his
ultimate Super Bowl fantasy: "Three seconds to go, I kick the winning field
goal, I rush into the locker room and there, waiting to greet me, is Heather
Thomas in a bikini, holding a bottle of Dom Perignon."
* Raiders defensive back Lester Hayes, on the victory in 1984: "Obi-Wan Kenobe
(from "Star Wars") came to me in the middle of the night and said the Silver
and Black would score 40 points. I said 'Gee, Obi-Wan, that's a lot.' He
said, 'Think positively, my son, think positively.' "
Now, back to our list: * 1981. Gosh, we feel safe now. Upon arriving in New
Orleans for the Super Bowl against the Eagles, Raiders lineman John Matuszak
announced he was in charge of curfew enforcement. "Any young players want to
stray, they'll have to go through old Tooz."
The next night, Tooz was seen dancing in a bar at 3 a.m.
* 1982. Thanks, we'll get off here. In their first-ever Super Bowl
appearance, the San Francisco 49ers got stuck in traffic on the way to the
Super Bowl in the Silverdome. Coach Bill Walsh tried to calm his players by
saying, "I'm listening to the radio. We're winning, 7-0."
* 1983. Oh, how fun! Washington's John Riggins, who would win the MVP award,
was the life of this Super Bowl week, doing a press conference in battle
fatigues, doing the owner's party in white tie and tails, and telling a
reporter that his greatest thrill prior to playing football "was watching my
neighbor's pigs being born."
* 1984. In a minute, OK? A dedicated Raiders fan, living in Chicago, was
stabbed by a friend during an argument over the game. The wounded man,
bleeding on the couch, continued to watch the Super Bowl, even though his
girlfriend called the police. When the paramedics came, he didn't want to
leave until the game was over.
* 1985. I can't quite see it from here, fellas. With Super Bowl hype
reaching epidemic proportions, the NFL actually had President Reagan call the
coin flip via television hookup from Washington.
* 1986. Cheeky. Jim McMahon, who set a personal record for hype during Super
Bowl week, actually mooned a helicopter.
* 1987. Double yuck. The New York Giants were well-known for their defensive
ferocity. But Lawrence Taylor still stunned a few people when he described
what he called a "Kill Shot": "That's when the snot comes quivering from a
quarterback's nose and he starts shaking on the ground."
* 1988. That's not real money you're betting, is it? The Denver Broncos,
blown out by New York the year before, were three-point favorites against the
Redskins.
Washington won, 42-10.
* 1989. And for a really juicy quote, it'll cost you 50 cents. Sam Kennedy, a
little-known special teams player for the 49ers, charged reporters a quarter
for every interview. He made $1.80 for the week.
* 1990. In the key of E-fat. San Francisco lineman Bubba Paris, who weighs
well over 320 pounds, spotted an overweight reporter during a press
conference. "Me and him are so big," Paris said, pointing, "we could sing 'We
Are The World' by ourselves."
* 1991: Well, there was Downtown Julie Brown from MTV asking players about
shaking their booties, and the four Giants linemen who spent $1,600 on a steak
dinner Tuesday night. Then again, who knows?
We still have a few hours left. . . .