9101190550 DETROIT FREE PRESS 910512 Sunday, May 12, 1991 METRO FINAL

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1F MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1991, Detroit Free Press MOTHER'S JOB: GIVING ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS " . . . ma . . . ma?" Yes, child. I am your mother. * "WAAAAAAAH!" I'll get him, honey. You go back to sleep. You have to work in the morning. * "Mommeee . . . I wan' dum! I wan' dum!" All right, sweetheart. You can have some. But share with your brother, OK? "Mommy! Joey threw his truck at me!" I'm sure it was an accident, honey. * "Mommy. Wake up. I feel sic-- blecchhhh! . . . ? * "Mom, Susie put Joey in the washing machine. That's nice, sweethea . . . SHE WHAT? * "Your son is a good student, but he talks too much to his neighbors." I'll speak to him about it, I promise. * "BURRRRRRP!" Say 'excuse me' when you do that, honey. * "Mom! Can I go as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween? It only costs $40." Well, if you really want to . . . * "Mom, Joey lit the dog on fire." That's nice, sweetheart . . . WHAT? * "NO FAIR! How come Bobby's parents let him watch TV until 11 o'clock?" If Bobby's parents let him jump off a bridge, would you want to do that, too? * "Mom. What does 'hot and sexy' mean?" Well, um . . . did you ask your father? * "This food is terrible. How come we can't go to McDonald's?" Children are starving in China. Now clean your plate, or you won't be excused. * "Please, mom, can we get a dog, please?" If you promise to feed it and take it out. * RRRRUFFFF! RRRUFFFFF! Kids, the dog has to go out. . . . Kids? . . . * "Hurry up, Ma, we got little league practice, and Joey's got his piano lesson and Susie's got to her dentist appointment . . . " Coming, I'm coming . . . * "I don't want those, Mom! I want Nikes!" Nikes? * "But Ma, all the other guys are going to sleep-away camp." I know, honey, but it's kind of expens . . . all right. We'll find a way. * "Muhh-ther, I'm 14 years old. Stop treating me like a child." Yes, dear. Can I have my lipstick back? * "I met this girl in biology class, Mom. She keeps looking at me." That's because she likes you, sweetie . . . * "Hey Ma, look. I'm taller than you." Good. Now can you reach the sugar? * "He's totally cool, mother. You never like any of the boys I date." That's not true. I just asked why he wears those skull earrings all the time . . . * "Mom, I completely bombed on the SAT's. I'm never going to college." You can always take them again . . . * "Mom, you and Dad don't have to come into the dorm. Just drop me here, OK?" If you say so, honey . . . * "Mom, I met this girl "Mom, I met this boy . . . "Mom, we're getting married . . . "Mom, we're gonna have a baby . . . " * "Mom, will you be in there with me?" If that's what you want, dear. "HOLD MY HAND, MA! . . . AHHH . . ." You're doing fine, honey. * "NONO . . . I . . . AWWWWGAWWWD . . . MAMA . . . " * " . . . ma . . . ma?" Yes, child. I am your mother. * Happy Mother's Day.