9102020737
DETROIT FREE PRESS
910830
Friday, August 30, 1991
METRO FINAL
1D
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1991, Detroit Free Press
THE BEST AND WORST OF TIMES AROUND NFL
I hate making football predictions. That's why I do them every week. But
the truth is, as yet another NFL season is about to begin, we the experts,
after a summer full of furious study, know absolutely nothing.
Therefore, I will not predict who will win or lose this year. I will do
something more realistic. I will predict only the best each team in football
can hope for -- and the worst that could happen.
Ready?
1. DETROIT LIONS.
Best they can hope for: That Herman Moore can catch, Jerry Ball is mean,
and those linemen really need the money Barry Sanders promised them.
Worst: That Mouse Davis was right.
2. GREEN BAY PACKERS.
Best they can hope for: That Tony Mandarich was telling the truth when he
said steroids had nothing to do with why he suddenly stinks.
Worst: That he was on steroids at the time.
3. MINNESOTA VIKINGS: Starring Jerry Burns.
Best they can hope for: That Herschel Walker has run out of things to
complain about.
Worst: That Walker has run out of speed.
4. CHICAGO BEARS.
Best: That Mark Carrier is as good as he was last year, and Jim Harbaugh
is better.
Worst: That Mike Singletary's eyes just pop out of his head one day.
5. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS.
Best: Respectability.
Worst: What was their coach's name again?
6. NEW YORK GIANTS.
Best: Another Super Bowl.
Worst: Phil Simms steals everyone's playbook.
7. WASHINGTON REDSKINS.
Best: That quarterback Mark (The Ball Just Slipped Out Of My Hand) Rypien
gains confidence and control.
Worst: They lose to Detroit on Sunday. A thing like that could embarrass
you for a year.
8. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES.
Best: Buddy Ryan's gone. What more can you ask?
Worst: Randall Cunningham gets mono.
9. DALLAS COWBOYS.
Best: Russell Maryland plays as big as Texas.
Worst: Russell Maryland eats as big as Texas.
10. PHOENIX CARDINALS.
Best: Timm Rosenbach has a speedy recovery.
Worst: Someone says, "Let's host a Super Bowl!"
11. SAN FRANCISCO 49ers.
Best: They didn't lose much when Roger Craig, Ronnie Lott and Joe
Montana's elbow went south.
Worst: An angry Bubba Paris returns in the middle of the night and eats
their stadium.
12. LOS ANGELES RAMS.
Best: They play like two years ago.
Worst: They play like last year.
13. ATLANTA FALCONS.
Best: Andre Rison starts riding buses.
Worst: Baseball is Deion Sanders' best sport.
14. NEW ORLEANS.
Best: Bobby Hebert, after a yearlong hold out, comes back throwing like a
demon.
Worst: Bobby Hebert, after a yearlong holdout, comes back saying, "How do
you hold the laces?"
15. LA RAIDERS.
Best: Ronnie Lott returns with a vengeance.
Worst: Bo Jackson is in AA ball come November.
16. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS.
Best: Steve DeBerg forgets he is 72 years old.
Worst: Everyone else remembers.
17. DENVER BRONCOS.
Best: They reach the Super Bowl again.
Worst: They reach the Super Bowl again.
18. HOUSTON OILERS.
Best: They're undefeated after their first three games against the
Raiders, Cincinnati and KC.
Worst: Warren Moon gets mono.
19. PITTSBURGH STEELERS.
Best: They rely on their defense.
Worst: They rely on their offense.
20. CINCINNATI BENGALS.
Best: Ickey Woods has reason to dance again.
Worst: Sam Wyche does another press conference in a towel.
21. BUFFALO BILLS.
Best: They reach the Super Bowl.
Worst: They need a field goal to win it.
22. MIAMI DOLPHINS.
Best: Dan Marino has a record year after signing his new contract.
Worst: Marino breaks wrist carrying his wallet.
23. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS.
Best: It has already happened: Eric Dickerson on the cover of Sports
Illustrated under the caption "One Happy Camper."
Worst: Dickerson says he was misquoted.
24. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS.
Best: A woman reporter is assigned to cover the team and is treated with
respect and dignity.
Worst: Victor Kiam is elected team captain.
25. SEATTLE, SAN DIEGO, CLEVELAND, NEW YORK JETS.
Best: The NFL says, "Take the year off."
Worst: It doesn't.