9402020459
DETROIT FREE PRESS
940913
Tuesday, September 13, 1994
METRO FINAL
1C
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press
THE HUDDLE: INS AND OUTS
Ho hum. Another week, another upset of Notre Dame. Let's start today's
huddle by giving Instant Huddle Membership to two new faces: Todd (Is God)
Collins and Remy (Is Also God) Hamilton. You two made so many people happy
Saturday, I'm not even going to check your IDs.
Also in this week: Joe Montana, Dan Marino and Mick Jagger (for singing in
football stadiums).
Make room, folks. Let 'em in. It's Tuesday. Time for our weekly scrum on
football, the most exclusive gathering this side of the Wink Martindale Fan
Club. Who's in? Who's out? Arms together . . . HUDDLE UP!
Hi, fellas.
Hey, look, it's Lou Holtz, the legendary coach of the Fighting Irish. What
a terrific comeback your team almost pulled off Saturday. Gosh, it must be
tough to lose like that. Your kids played like warriors. True heroes. You
must be very proud.
Thanks. Can I get in the huddle?
No way, loser.
Hey, Huddle. Is it true that Bo Schembechler, on the radio, predicted
Michigan State would upset Notre Dame this weekend?
As sure as we're standing here.
Wow! Isn't that like Spartacus predicting the Turks would beat the Romans
in 470 AD?
Didn't I tell you to stay off the drugs?
Hi (sigh) everyone. Can we (moan) get in?
Look. It's the Lions' offensive line. I almost didn't recognize you beneath
your bruises.
We're sorry. It won't happen again.
Where's Scott Mitchell?
We sent a crane to lift him out of bed.
Hmm. What do you say, folks? Do we let them in?
"NO WAY! . . . BOO! . . . ARE YOU KIDDING?"
Tough crowd.
Dear Huddle: How do you think practice will go for Tyrone Wheatley this
week? (signed) Concerned in Ann Arbor.
Dear Concerned: Do the words "NOBODY TOUCH HIM!" mean anything to you?
Hey, Huddle. What has happened to John Elway?
His teeth have finally overtaken his body and are holding him hostage.
Excuse me. Can I get in the huddle?
Who said that?
Down here.
Hey! It's Irving Spikes, the Dolphins' new running back! Get in here, you
little knucklehead. Anyone who plays in the NFL and goes 5-feet-8, 215 pounds
is OK by me. You know, Irv, many of my poker buddies share your measurements.
Hey, everybody. How'd you like Andre Rison guaranteeing a victory against
the LA Rams -- then delivering?
Let's see him do it when Atlanta plays Dallas.
Dear Huddle: I am a longtime fan of this column. What is this week's NFL
poll?
Thanks, Mom. If the NFL were ranked liked colleges, the poll would read .
. .
Top: 1, Kansas City. 2, Dallas 3, Miami.
Bottom: 26, Arizona. 27, LA Raiders. 28, Cincinnati.
Question: Are the Vikings' defensive linemen as tough as they looked?
When I left the stadium, they were chewing on goalposts, and one of them
said, "Pass the salt."
Huddle, I can't believe it. The Raiders have been whomped two weeks in a
row. What happened to their famous take-no- prisoners attitude?
It's hard to take-no-prisoners when you make-no-touchdowns.
Is it really necessary to see Napoleon McCallum's knee injury on our TV
sets.
Is it really necessary to see "Natural Born Killers" on our movie screens?
Dear Huddle: Is there any place I can buy a book showing the signs the
referees make? (signed) Anna Rodutsky, East Tawas.
As far as I know, Anna, the only book that comes close is "Ten Steps To
Disco" by Adrian Zmed.
Greetings. Can I get in the huddle?
Hey. Andre Agassi. This is a football huddle.
I love football. I love everyone. Can I get in? I just won the U.S. Open.
Can I? Huh?
Well, . . . Did you bring Brooke?
No.
Beat it.
Dear Huddle: Considering the final score against Kentucky was 73-7, should
Florida have pulled its starters after the third quarter?
No, after the coin toss.
Hey, Huddle. Buddy Ryan's not doing so hot in the desert, is he?
Pharaoh had an easier time.
Huddle. Is it true that a man named Socrates offered $175 million for the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
Same as drinking hemlock.
Hey, Huddle. How come, in the song "The Victors" they say ". . . Hail,
hail to Michigan, the champions of the West. . . . " We're not in the West.
We're not? No wonder I'm three hours late for everything.
Do you want to get into the huddle? Send letters, questions or reasons you
should be admitted to The Huddle, Detroit Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette,
Detroit 48226, or fax at 1-313-222-5983.
COLUMN; FOOTBALL; NFL; AFL; GAME; TEAM; COMPETITION