9402040262
DETROIT FREE PRESS
940927
Tuesday, September 27, 1994
METRO FINAL
1C
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press
THE HUDDLE
We thought about canceling The Huddle this week, because it's never fun to
watch grown men weep. But then we thought, hey, that's what group therapy is
all about, right? Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend
. . . all together now, arms in, let's say a prayer. Hail Mary, full of --
AAAAAAARRGH! DON'T SAY HAIL MARY!
Sorry, Moeller.
HUDDLE UP!
Now. First of all, as per tradition, let us announce who has earned a
place in this week's Huddle. Ta-da!
Nobody.
OK. Maybe that's unfair. Just because the Lions and Wolverines lost again
AND WE ALL WANT TO KILL OURSELVES is no reason not to salute George Perles,
whose Spartans got their first win of the year Saturday. Come here, Georgie,
ya big lug. Make room, folks, little more, little more, few more feet. . . .
Perles and the Spartans beat pesky Miami of Ohio, which at last look was on
the lip of becoming an actual football team. Welcome, George. Also in The
Huddle this week: Dick Mayer, the Free Press artist who gave us the above oil
painting (available now, see stores for details).
As for WHO'S OUT in The Huddle: well, anyone involved in Michigan's last
five minutes Saturday; Buddy Ryan -- for trying to hire Phil Simms, who
deserves better; and all the Lions, except Barry Sanders. My apologies to Ty
Hallock, who asked specifically last week, "Can you get me in the huddle?" to
which I say, "Can you catch the ball?"
I'm kidding. Ty is an excellent football player and a great guy, and
besides we should not blame one Lion for the loss Sunday, that would be so
unfair.
Let's blame the coach.
Hey, Huddle. Let me in, huh?
Look, gang. It's Michael Westbrook. What a great receiver you are, Michael.
Thanks. And I'm a homegrown kid. After what I did Saturday, I figure I
should get in The Huddle for sure. How about it?
Hmm. You gonna transfer to Michigan?
No.
Beat it, carpetbagger.
Hey, Huddle. Isn't "Miami of Ohio" kind of a stupid name? Sort of like
"Mork from Ork" or "Sheena, Queen of the Jungle?"
Say no to drugs, son. They'll ruin you.
Uh, Huddle, can I get in? We beat Purdue.
Is that you again, Lou Holtz?
Yes, sir. And I got my hair cut like you suggested. And I didn't complain
or anything this week. So can I get in now?
Hmm. I guess you've passed all the requirements. Except one.
What's that?
Nobody likes you, domehead. Now shoo!
Hey, Huddle. Catch!
What the? . . . Look out, Moeller! INCOMING!
Bonk!
Oh, wow. Did you see that? It went off his head. And Westbrook caught it.
Poor Mo. What a week.
Dear Huddle: Where did Lou Whitaker get that purple suit he wore to the
baseball meetings? Is he trying out for the Joker in the next Batman movie?
(signed) Ryan Covell, Birmingham.
Dear Ryan: If you ever interviewed Lou, you'd know the Joker is not the
role he's up for.
OK, Huddle. Over here. I accept the blame.
Look. It's Harry Colon. You know, Harry, you should have caught that
interception Sunday. You could have turned the game around.
I know. It'll never happen again. Please?
Aw, OK. Come on in. Here. Hold this helmet.
Thanks. Oops . . . CRASH!
Not again.
Excuse me gentlemen, are you Rastafarians?
Hey, look! It's Dick Vermeil from ABC! Dick, that was some remark you made
about Rohan Marley during the Miami-Washington game. Care to repeat it?
Sure. Someone said Rohan was a Rastafarian, see, and I said, "I saw some
Rastafarians on vacation once, and they scared me to death! I hope Rohan
doesn't fall into that group."
Hahaha . . . tee-hee . . . HAW! HAW!
What's so funny?
Nothing, Dick. We're due back in the 20th Century.
Hey, Huddle, how could a smart quarterback like Phil Simms not wind up
playing for Buddy Ryan's Cardinals?
You said he was a smart quarterback.
Yo! Huddle! Lions! Bucs! Prediction?
You! Need! To! Finish! Your! Sentences!
Question: Sean Gilbert, the Rams' huge lineman, does a shake-and-bake
dance whenever he makes a sack. What song is he dancing to?
"I feel the earth move, under my feet . . . "
Dear Huddle, how is it that Michigan can get the ball late in the fourth
quarter, rush it and not get a first down, then get it back, rush it, not get
a first down, then only send three linemen on the last play and not have a
defender behind the ball in the end zone? Isn't that basic coaching?
Thanks for your letter, Bo.
Got a reason to be in The Huddle (Lou Holtz, not you) ? Write The Huddle,
Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226 or fax 1-313-222-5983.
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