9002060644 DETROIT FREE PRESS 900928 Friday, September 28, 1990 METRO FINAL

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1C Photo : Don as Kiefer Don as Don Ron ain't nothing . . . but a hound dog? Spike Lee Willie (Lee) McGee Apocalypse George Apocalypse George? MITCH ALBOM THE LIVE ALBOM Copyright (c) 1990, Detroit Free Press TONIGHT FOR NO.50, SO SAY MOM AND ME THE LIVE ALBOM * Every one of Cecil Fiedler's home runs is impressive, but here it is Thursday night, bottom of the eighth, two outs, nobody on, the stadium is falling asleep, and Dennis Lamp of the Red Sox knows he really doesn't have to pitch to Cecil. Doesn't have to give him anything. And what happens? Lamp gets two strikes, then puts a pretty good sinker down low. And Fielder, who has been swinging at air since last weekend, takes this pitch and smacks it into the bleachers for his 49th home run. * Consider that a warning: No. 50 can come at anytime. Don't go to the bathroom. * I say it happens tonight. Of course, that's what Fielder's mother says, too. So I figure I'm safe. * Now that Don Majkowski is back with Green Bay, he'll have to cancel plans to star in "Flatliners II," under his stage name Kiefer Sutherland. * So I guess old Victor Kiam just blew a whole mess of Lady Remington shaver sales, huh? * Let me get this straight. Wayne Fontes defended the run 'n' shoot offense by saying: "We've scored more points than the San Francisco 49ers." Hmmm. Unfortunately, Wayne, so did your opponents. * Also, San Fran is 3-0. * And I still say benching Barry Sanders because he didn't block is like firing Picasso because he didn't wash his hands. * You think Willie McGee is happy these days? Not only will he win the batting title in the NL, a division title in the AL, and quite possibly a World Series ring, but he also just signed to play Spike Lee's twin in the new film "Mo' Better Curveballs." * Let's take a poll. All those writing this column who feel Fielder is MVP, raise your hand. * Well. There you have it. He wins. * When the Red Sox and Blue Jays play this weekend, they should run the bases backward. That's how they've approached this whole pennant race so far, isn't it? * Did anyone notice that Eric King is now 11-4 with a 3.31 ERA in Chicago? * So the Mets figure to unload Ron Darling this winter. Poor Ron. And after he lost all that weight and changed his name from Elvis Presley . . . * I think what Magic Johnson did, giving money back to his team, I think this is a great idea. Now, if only William Bedford would take a hint. * The fact is, what Magic did was smart business, because 1) Down the road he'll get the money back and 2) If guard Terry Teagle helps LA win a title, Magic will increase his investment tenfold. * The fact that Adrian Dantley doesn't have a job is almost as odd as the fact that Ralph Sampson does. * One day, a tall building is going to collapse on Lou Holtz's head and a voice will come from the sky and say "What? You thought I was gonna keep that luck stuff up forever?" * Does George Foreman have this Marlon Brando/"Apocalypse Now" thing going, or what? COLUMN; HUMOR