9402060180
DETROIT FREE PRESS
941011
Tuesday, October 11, 1994
METRO FINAL
1C
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press
THE HUDDLE
This week in the Huddle, I make a bold fashion statement. A lightning bolt
on my helmet. This lightning bolt symbolizes my fondness for the San Diego
Chargers and also, if I were God, what I'd do to the Lions' coaching staff.
Hut one, hut two, what's a football fan to do?
HUDDLE UP!
Who's in This Week: Ty and Tim from Michigan -- best backfield in the
country -- Junior Seau, the Miami Hurricanes, Barry Sanders (lifetime
membership), Mario Andretti (hey, he wears a helmet) and Boston College coach
Dan Henning, who already has his kids playing better than the Lions. This is
the guy Wayne Fontes fired?
Who's Out: Wayne Fontes (self-explanatory), George Perles, Bobby Bowden,
Harry Colon (enough with the late-hit penalties, you hosehead), Ron Powlus,
the whole Arizona team, and Jimmy Johnson, who began Sunday's Fox broadcast
underwater, and his hair still didn't move.
Quick, Huddle! Hide me!
Why, it's Steve Kazor, the Lions' special-teams coach. Steve, let me make
you feel at home. "HOLDING! . . . OFFSIDE! . . . ILLEGAL MAN DOWNFIELD!"
Please. Hide me. Wayne's looking for me.
All right, all right. Crawl under Junior Seau.
Huddle! Help me, too!
Hey, it's Dave Levy, the Lions' offensive coordinator! Let me make you
feel at home, Dave. "INCOMPLETE! . . . FUMBLE! . . ."
Please! Wayne's looking for me.
All right, crawl under Junior Seau.
Thanks.
No problem. Ready, Junior? . . . SIT!
Excuse me, Mr. Huddle. Over here, sir?
Holtz? Is that you again?
Well, sir. I was hoping to get into the Huddle, now that I've rededicated
myself to making this Notre Dame team what it should be.
Gosh, Lou. That's touching. And I want you to know, even though we kick
you out every week, we had a meeting and we decided that this week, we would
let you in . . .
Oh, thank you!
. . . if you won.
But --
Go play with Fontes, you domehead.
Hey, Huddle. Why is it called "bye week"?
In Detroit? It's when you say bye to the season.
Hey, Huddle. How do you like Joe Paterno's nickname, "JoPa" ?
He looks more like "Yoda" to me.
Yo. How do I get to the courthouse?
Why, it's Bryan Cox of the Miami Dolphins. Long time no see, Bryan. Is
the lithium working?
Hey, if I wanna call Thurman Thomas a jerk on my radio show, it's a free
country, right? If I wanna give the finger to fans, it's a free country,
right? If I wanna sue the league for putting me in a racially hostile
environment -- like I'm doing tomorrow -- it's a free country, right?
Of course, Bryan, of course. Just one question.
What?
Do the doctors know you're missing?
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG. . . .
Dear Huddle: I should be in the Huddle because I am 10 years old. P.S. You
are up there with Calvin & Hobbes. -- Kent Klausner, Ann Arbor.
Geez, kid, you sure know what to say. You're in. By the way, do you have
any head coaching experience?
Dear Huddle: I want to get into the Huddle with this little gem: "Yo,
Lions, Turn out the lights, the season's over!" -- Bill Fisk, Rochester
You're not the guy who claimed Michael Jackson stole his lyrics, are you?
Hey, Huddle, I stayed up all night waiting for the latest NFL poll, but I
never heard it.
That's 'cause I'm the only guy who votes, and I had a date.
TOP THREE LAST WEEK
BOTTOM THREE LAST WEEK
1. San Diego 1
28. Cincinnati 28
2. Dallas 2
29. Edmonton --
3. Buffalo 9
30. Detroit 26
Yo, Huddle, how about Lawrence Taylor trying to kiss ESPN's Lesley Visser
on "Prime Monday"?
I thought he didn't like the media.
Yo, Huddle, did you see that Trace Armstrong of the Bears was so mad about
the condition of Soldier Field he said, "With a couple of pails, we could have
made sand castles"?
He was talking about playing the Lions.
C'mon, Huddle, say it. Should Wayne be fired?
his next coach?
Dear Huddle, What happens when I call one of those football picks ads that
says "Guaranteed -- Lock of The Year"?
You prove P.T. Barnum was right, there is one born every minute.
Hey, Huddle: How would John Cooper do if he ran for mayor of Columbus
right now?
Alice Cooper would get more votes.
Got a reason you should be in the Huddle? Write the Huddle, Detroit Free
Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226.