9402110666 DETROIT FREE PRESS 941122 Tuesday, November 22, 1994 METRO FINAL

SPT

1E Drawing DICK MAYER MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press THE HUDDLE So there I am, walking past a pawn shop, and what do I see but all those Michigan helmets stolen from the locker room before Saturday's game. There they are. Wheatley's helmet. Collins' helmet. Riemersma. Toomer. All for sale. The gall! And here's the worst part. They were marked "reduced." HUDDLE UP! WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: John Cooper, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership), Jackie Callan (for her own protection), Alabama, Orchard Lake St. Mary's, Ferris State, Andre Reed and Terry Dill, an 18-year-old high school linebacker who just won $3.76 million with a lottery ticket. The college recruiters now ask him to play for their school and donate a science building. WHO'S OUT: The Wolverines, the Lions, Bill McCartney (nice timing for a retirement), Rodney Peete (nice timing for an injury), Andre Rison (will you please be quiet?), James Toney (same for you), the Minnesota Vikings, Don Shula and FOX's James Brown, who called the Pittsburgh Steelers the "Pirates" on Sunday. J.B., you miss baseball that much? Lemme in, huddle. I'm bad and I'm proud. Why, look. It's Mark Vrabel, the Ohio State lineman who had a few choice comments after Saturday's game. Refresh our memories, big dude. Sure. I said, "I don't question Tyrone Wheatley's ability. I question his character and his heart." I see. How did those X-rays come out? Which X-rays? The ones for your brain. Hey, no fair, we won -- Beat it, hosehead. Hello, Huddle. Sorry about Sunday. Who's there? I heard . . . oh, the Lions' defensive line. I almost didn't see you, with all your holes. We just had an off-day. An off-day? Bosnia has better days than that. Which running back are you gonna make a star this week? I hear Ickey Woods is thinking about a comeback. Does this mean we can't get in the Huddle? Sure, you can. All you have to do is tackle that bush over there. That bush? Gee. It's, um, kinda big . . . Later, tissue men. Hey, Huddle, how about that naked guy who ran across the Ohio State field with "Go Bucks!" written on his chest? It's good to see Joel Ferguson has found work. Hey, Huddle. How come FOX has those stupid openings, like Sunday, when Terry Bradshaw pretended to be as dumb as Forrest Gump? Pretended? Yo, Huddle. Did you see Barry Switzer announcing the Cowboys' newest quarterback Monday? he said, "Today we signed Mike Pea . . . uh, Pagon . . . er, Pagel, yeah, Mike Pagel." Aw, just call him "Emmitt's handoff man." Hello, Mr. Huddle, sir? Lou Holtz? State your case, Goober. Well, this week, we beat Air Force. Whose air force? Liechtenstein's? No. THE Air Force. And we beat Navy, too. So I was wondering, since that's two branches of the armed forces, doesn't that qualify us for a Huddle? Yes, Lou, it does. Wheee! But not this Huddle. LET'S GO TO THE MAIL BAG . . . Dear Huddle: My name is Jimmie Poll from St., Clair Shores. I think you should let me in the Huddle because I'm Big, Bad, and I know where you live. And I know your parole officer. Dear Huddle: My brother David and I are students at Detroit College of law. We are devoted followers of the Huddle. If we can get in, we will get all A's and pass the bar exam. Please? Thank you, oh magnificent Huddle -- Jake Femminineo Jr., Clinton Township. Cutting a deal already. What fine lawyers you will make. Enter. Yo, Huddle. Did you see where Andre Rison wants to play for the Lions? Just don't let him drive the bus. Darn it, Huddle. I am furious. That squib kick on Sunday? How did the Bears catch the Lions sleeping like that? It's easier than catching the Lions awake. Dear Huddle. I am curious about your NFL poll this week, as I treasure keen, intelligent, razor-sharp analysis. Thanks, Uncle Mort. Your check is on its way. TOP BOTTOM 1. San Francisco 21. Detroit 2. Dallas 27. Cincinnati 3. Pittsburgh 28. Driver Ed School 4. Chicago 29. Tampa Bay Hey, Huddle, can you believe the Ducks are in the Rose Bowl? Do you pick them to win? As a general rule, I avoid teams who are in both the game and fountain at the hotel. Hey, Huddle. Is it all over for Wayne Fontes? Not the suffering part. Yo, Huddle, want to buy a helmet? Whose? Take your pick. Any starter on the Wolverines. No thanks. I'm about to eat. Got a reason you should be in the Huddle? Write the Huddle, Detroit Free Press Sports Dept., 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226, or fax to 1-313-222-5983.