9402120577 DETROIT FREE PRESS 941129 Tuesday, November 29, 1994 METRO FINAL

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1C Drawing Color DICK MAYER MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press THE HUDDLE Goodness. You go away for Thanksgiving, and you come back to such long lines! Over here we have people lined up for the Michigan State job. Over here we have people waiting for Wayne Fontes to get the boot. And over here we have people wearing phony noses and mustaches. Hmm. Which line are you? We're Buffalo Bills fans. Wanna buy a Super Bowl ticket? Cheap? Uh. No thanks. HUDDLE UP! WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Dan Marino, the Yuccaneers, Ki-Jana Carter, Herman Moore, Dave Krieg, the Lions' defense, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership) Keith Jackson (for broadcasting via telephone when ABC lost its power), Troy High, Picasso Pizza (fat-free) and the British Columbia Lions, who kept the Grey Cup where it belongs -- outside the United States. WHO'S OUT: Warren Moon, the Jets' defensive coordinator, the Eagles, Chiefs, Bills and Raiders, Joe Montana, Buddy Ryan, Bobby (Tie Me Up) Bowden, the bowl coalition, and Webster (I Don't Like It So I'm Not Gonna Play Hard) Slaughter. Well, Huddle, I'm ready. George Perles. What brings you here? I got nothing else to do. Gee. We were about to go through candidates for your ex- job. Wanna help? OK. That guy? Don't trust him. That guy? Too shifty looking. That guy? He's wearing blue. Duffy never wore blue. Biggie never wore blue. I never wore blue, except when I wore my blue suit, or my blue jeans, or that blue shirt I have. Hmm. That's an interesting interview style. Personally, I think all these candidates stink. Hey. Wait. That guy is familiar. He looks like Father Mulcahy on "M*A*S*H." That's no candidate, that's Lou Holtz! Lou. Are you applying for the Michigan State job? Me? No. I, uh, thought this was, uh . . . The line to get into the Huddle? Well, um, yes, sir. You see, we didn't lose our last game -- we tied it -- so I thought we might -- You tied? And for that you get to play in the Fiesta Bowl on Jan. 2? You have a 6-4-1 record, you're not ranked, and you get to play No. 5 Colorado ON NETWORK TV? Well, that was a deal, sort of -- Tell you what. I'll leave it up to Perles here. Does Lou get into the Huddle? That dweeb? I never liked him. Lose him. Bye, Lou. Hey, Huddle. How about those Jets and Dolphins? Four fumbles on four straight plays! Thank God they're not obstetricians. Yo, Huddle. Do you realize if Penn State hadn't joined the Big Ten, it would be facing Nebraska in the Orange Bowl for the national championship? And miss the chance to play the Ducks? News flash, Huddle. Jimmy Johnson is ready to return to coaching -- for $4 million a year. Will William Clay Ford ever spend that for a coach? Sure. The day Newt Gingrich does a rap record. Move over, Huddle, the Seminoles are a-comin.' Well, well. Bobby Bowden. Didja see our comeback, pardner? I saw you come back from 31-3. Then I saw you go for the tie instead of the two-point conversion to win. And, Bobby, let me say this: YOU IDIOT! That's like running the Olympic marathon and taking your shoes off before the finish line! Forget your stupid bowl chances and TV exposure! Don't your players deserve a chance to win? But . . . but-but-but-but -- Exactly. You covered your butt. Now move it. Gee, you wuz kinda tough on him. Quiet, George. Or I'll show the MSU-Iowa tape. LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG . . . Dear Huddle: I should be in the Huddle because I can drink more beer during an NFL game than anyone in the county. Chris Szabo, Wayne How proud you must be. Dear Huddle: I'm an over-50 female who loves football and the Lions. You could put me between Chris Spielman and Barry Sanders and no one will know I'm there. Bernie Hocht, West Branch. What is this, the personals? Hey, Huddle. Did you see where Darren Flutie, who plays for the B.C. Lions, said his wife "waited to go into labor" until after the Grey Cup? That's how it is in a one-car family. Dear Huddle, I gotta see your NFL polls or I'll buy the whole state of Oklahoma and fertilize it. Easy, Jerry Jones. You're still No. 1. TOP BOTTOM 1. Dallas 19. Detroit 2. San Francisco 27. Cincinnati 3. Pittsburgh 28. Belding High 4. Chicago 29. Houston Let's get back to the candidates. George, how about Fran Ganter from Penn State? Fran? What the hell kinda football name is Fran? There was Fran Tarkenton. I guess. Hey, whatdya hear about this Lions job? Got a reason you should be in the Huddle? Write: The Huddle, Detroit Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226, or fax 1-313-222-5983.