9402140475
DETROIT FREE PRESS
941213
Tuesday, December 13, 1994
METRO FINAL
1C
MITCH ALBOM
THE HUDDLE
Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press
In honor of our new national champions, all Albion fans will be admitted free
to this week's Huddle.
Minnesota Vikings fans will be charged $50 and whacked with a broom.
HUT ONE, HUT TWO . . . HUDDLE UP!
WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Wayne Fontes (hey, give the guy credit when he
deserves it), Chris Spielman, Broderick Thomas, Barry Sanders (lifetime
membership), Steve Young, the Patriots, Jeff Daniels (comedy flanker), E.G.
Nicks restaurant, Rashaan Salaam and Pittsburgh kicker Gary Anderson. Anyone
who blows a field goal because he forgets to kick the ball gets in
immediately.
WHO'S OUT: The Buffalo Bills, Boomer Esiason, Hugh (How Did I Get This
Job?) Millen, the Heisman (Has Been) Trophy, Rich Kotite, Yancey Thigpen (he
didn't do anything, I just like saying his name), all NFL officials, and
whoever produces those dumb skits on Fox's pregame show. You want to do bad
comedy, join "Saturday Night Live."
Hello, Huddle . . . whoops . . . splat!
Jay Novacek. How ya doin'?
Oh, swell, I guess . . . whoops! Splat!
Listen, Jay. Look at me. This is your foot. This is the goal line. Put one
past the other.
Like thi . . . whoa! Splat!
This is your brain. This is your brain on chewing tobacco. . . .
'Sup, Hud?
Randall Cunningham. Looking for a new home?
Aww, I'm just in a slump.
Try this. Take the ball, actually plant your feet, and throw to a
receiver -- not a defensive back.
Like this . . . clang!
Not bad. Next time keep the ball in the stadium.
Hey, Huddle. Riddle me this: The Broncos without John Elway are . . .
The Little Rascals?
Hey, Huddle. Did you see where Chris Berman of ESPN called Wayne Fontes
"the Rasputin of coaches"?
Uh-huh. And as soon as Wayne looks up who Rasputin was, I'm sure he'll
have a response.
Go Albion! Rah-rah, Albion!
Hmm. Nice beard, Mister. Can I help you?
Oh, I'm just an Albion fan, looking to get into the Huddle.
Well, you're in luck. Albion fans get in free this week. You know, of
course, that the team is named after a country across the Atlantic.
Sure, sure. The Albion Irish.
What?
I mean . . . uh . . . the French? The Italians?
Wait a minute. Gimme that beard . . . Lou Holtz!
Darn it!
You sleaze! You slime! Britons! Sic him!
No . . . OWW! . . . wait . . . I . . . unnnh!
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG:
Dear Huddle: I'm moving to Florida in two weeks. If you don't let me in,
I'll write you every day and brag about how warm it is. -- Jerry Baker,
Plymouth.
And I'll send you the hurricane forecast.
Dear Huddle: I would like to report the first violator of your Never Say
The Phrase "If the season ended today" rule. It is . . . Curt Sylvester! Look
at his article in the Dec. 6 sports page. Will you deport him? Can I be
admitted for turning him in? -- John Peters, Belleville.
You're in. Curt now lives in Tibet.
Dear Huddle: We should be admitted because this is final exams week and
we still watched 21 hours of football. -- Jeff Gutzman, Jeff Domrase.
Good luck with those fast-food careers, boys.
Dear Huddle: I should be admitted because, unlike my husband, my nephew
and 30 other guys celebrating a bachelor party at the Silverdome, I had to
listen on radio, with my two cats, wearing my Barry Sanders jersey, sweat
pants and blue underwear. -- Kim Altobelli-Steele, Troy.
The underwear is a bit much, don't you think?
Hey, Huddle. Is anyone hotter than Steve Young right now?
Well, people who live in Ecuador. . . .
Hey, Huddle, did you see where Fox-TV is touting "Jimmy's Johnson's Big
Announcement" in its show next week? Isn't that a disgusting trade of news for
ratings?
Wait'll you hear the "big" announcement: On Monday, he saw one of his
hairs move.
Yo! Hud! This is my house! I want my NFL poll!
Relax, Deion. You're still No. 1 with a bullet.
TOP BOTTOM
1. San Francisco 10. Detroit
2. Dallas 27. Cincinnati
3. Pittsburgh 28. Albion cheerleaders
4. Cleveland 29. Houston
Hey, Huddle. How many penalties do the Raiders have this season?
They should switch jerseys, from black to yellow.
Listen, Huddle. How come that national championship thing works so well in
Division III and they can't do it in Division I?
This is your brain. This is your brain when money gets involved. . . .
Hey, Huddle. Does Sunday's loss mean we won't see Buffalo back in the
Super Bowl?
Gosh . . . sob, sob . . . weep, weep . . . YES!
HALLELUJAH!
Got a reason you should be in the Huddle? Write the Huddle, Detroit Free
Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit, Mich. 48226, or fax 1-313-222-5983.
COLUMN; FOOTBALL; DLIONS;Lions