9302160014
DETROIT FREE PRESS
931220
Monday, December 20, 1993
METRO FINAL
1D
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1993, Detroit Free Press
AFTER ROUT, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FIRST PLACE
(Parental advisory: Anyone who says the words "We're still in first place" in
this column will be whacked on the head. You have been warned.)
Take a good look, folks. There go the 49ers, a real playoff contender, a
January team, a franchise with the right to talk about "postseason" and
"home-field advantage" and all those words the Lions keep kidding themselves
about after beating Phoenix.
The 49ers came. They saw. They burst out laughing. "This is an 8-5 team?"
you could hear them say. They stayed just long enough to deliver a quickie
lecture: So You Think You're A Contender?
I hope we were taking notes.
At least those of us who actually watched this meat loaf to the finish --
which was, what, four people? The Lions were proud of their rare sellout
Sunday, but all it proved was how quickly 77,052 fans can exit a stadium.
(Actually, it wasn't really 77,052. Some intelligent folks pulled into the
parking lot, heard the Niners score a touchdown on their third play from
scrimmage, turned around and drove home.)
"Total domination," quarterback Erik Kramer said, after the Niners scored
seven touchdowns in whipping the Lions. "I've never been involved in a game
like that. All we can do is forget it. Crazy as it sounds, we're still in
first place--"
Ka-bung!
Sorry, Erik. You were warned.
First place? How dare anyone invoke those words after a day like Sunday?
This was "Wayne's World" in reverse: the 49ers telling the Lions, "You're Not
Worthy! You're Not Worthy!" What was the score, 55-17? You don't end games
like this, you shoot them.
This wasn't football, it was Pac-Man, with the 49ers gobbling real estate
like a smiling yellow dot. Steve Young had four touchdowns and 354 yards and
was on the bench by the third quarter, sipping a drink. By the fourth
quarter, someone named Adam Walker was rushing for San Francisco. Adam Walker?
The only thing with more garbage time Sunday was public- access TV.
A cupcake schedule
As I walked through the Silverdome moments after the game -- and my
footsteps echoed off the empty hallways -- I couldn't help but think of the
irony. The folks in San Francisco are worried that their team isn't
playoff-ready this year.
Ah, well. Everything's inflated in Frisco.
As it has been here. The Lions have been angry with media and fans for
doubting their winning record, for saying it's built on weak teams. Now.
Lions, do you understand why they say it?
Here was a game Detroit needed desperately, it was at home, the place was
sold out, the 49ers were coming off a loss, missing Ricky Watters and Kevin
Fagan -- and they still won by a country-and-a-half.
"What were you not able to do today?" someone asked Fontes.
"Stop them," he said.
The room cracked up. But he was not kidding. The Lions did not force a
punt all day. The only thing that stalled the 49ers' scoring was halftime, and
when they kneeled at the end of the game. The Lions also kneeled, but at the
beginning of the game. I think they were praying.
"This game is over, done, forgotten," Fontes said, making like a dog who
kicks dirt over his mess. "The important thing is, we're still in first
place--"
Ka-bung!
Sorry. You were warned.
First place? With this embarrassment? The Lions were like fraternity
pledges Sunday, whacked on the butt and forced to ask for more. Every time the
defense went back out, it seemed to say, "Please sir, may I have another?"
And defense is supposed to be this team's strong suit.
How sad this is. No one takes the Lions seriously. Why, John Madden and Pat
Summerall, the CBS announcers, spent part of the game laughing at assistant
coach Lamar Leachman, who sat on a stool on the sidelines, his headphones
askew, yelling and drawing on his board while his defensive linemen looked
off into space.
"Look, they're not even listening to him!" Madden said.
"I know the feeling," Summerall said. "I once taught junior high school."
Hmm. Was he referring to Leachman or the defense?
No playoff berth
Whatever. That was Sunday. Getting embarrassed, humiliated, smoked, diced
and sliced on national television.
"Would you like to face the 49ers again?"
"Yes . . ." Fontes answered.
Is he nuts?
". . . if I could send their plane to a different destination."
Oh. That's better. At least the guy hasn't gone completely wacko. Still, we
need to get real here: It would be nice if the Lions win the next two games,
win the unremarkable Central Division and make the playoffs.
As long as they decline the invitation.
Otherwise they are headed for more of this. Sunday it was the 49ers, but
it could have been the Cowboys, or the Oilers. This was a Triple-A team
playing the big club. It's not the Lions' fault they have a fifth-place
schedule. It's only their fault if they believe the results.
"It's just one game," cornerback Ray Crockett said, "we got to put it
behind us. We're still in first place--"
Ka-bung.
I must be talking to myself here . . .
Mitch Albom will sign "Fab Five" and "Live Albom III" at 2 p.m. Tuesday, B.
Dalton, Briarwood Mall; 6:30 p.m., Waldenbooks, 32203 John R, Madison Heights.
On Wednesday: 7 p.m., Young and Welshans, Flint.
COLUMN