9402160163 DETROIT FREE PRESS 941227 Tuesday, December 27, 1994 METRO FINAL

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1D Drawing Color DICK MAYER Free Press MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1994, Detroit Free Press THE HUDDLE It is with great sadness that we come to the final Huddle of the year, our last chance to get together, put our arms fondly around each other's necks, and squeeze until somebody gives up his wallet. I, for one, will miss this tremendously. But we ain't done yet. Hut one, hut two . . . HUDDLE UP! WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Johnnie Morton, Herschel Walker, Ben Coates, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership), Dan Henning and Boston College, Joe Montana, Don Shula's scooter, Drew (Whew!) Bledsoe, Jim Everett (best unnoticed quarterback this year), Pizza Papolis, the editors of this thing -- thank you, Steve, Tom, Gene, Bob, Tim, et al -- and a deserving Detroit family, Robert, Patricia and son Jemale. WHO'S OUT: Rich (See ya) Kotite, Tom (See ya) Flores, Wade (See ya) Phillips, Buddy (So I Lied About The Playoffs, Sue Me) Ryan, Art (nice call at the end of the half) Shell, all the referees, Jeff Lurie (shame on him, trying to kill Dick Vermeil like that) and the salespeople last week at Best Buy, whose favorite line was, "Sorry, I'll have to get the manager." What's up, Huddle? Hey. It's Dan Marino. Come to gloat? Well, I did pick apart the Lions. Yeah, yeah. You're nothing without your arm. Here, I'll prove it. WHACK! Hey, that's my arm you just chopped off. Now try throwing deep, big shot. That's my ARM! OH MY GOD! GIMME THAT! Sorry, I'll have to get the manager. Hello. Good-bye. Grrbllgrrbll. Hey, it's Jeff Hostetler from the Raiders. Tell us, Jeff, after all those concussions, how's your head? Made my bed? Every day. So, as the NFL assures us, concussions are OK. Throw hay? I can do that. And you're not suffering any side effects? Nuh-uh. I'll take Bachelor Number Three. Once again, the media worry too much. Yo, Hud. What's the Tampa franchise worth? Without Sam Wyche -- $150 million. And with him? About $4.95. Happy New Year, Huddle. Well, well! It's Father Time -- come to ring in 1995. How are you? Fine, Sonny. Say, how's about letting an old man into your Huddle? Sure, Father. Just watch it with that sickle, OK? Now, stand in here, raise your hand, and repeat after me. "I . . . state your name." I . . . Lou Holtz. Pledge t . . . WHAT? Pledge t . . . WHAT? Did you say HOLTZ? Uh, I . . . silly me, I meant hopes! I have hopes! Gimme that beard . . . It's YOU! Stand back, I've got a weapon! I'm getting in this Huddle if it's the last thing I do! STAND BACK! BACK I SAY! Easy, Lou. Look. Up there. An NFL job offer! Where? WHACK! Get him out of here, boys. LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG: Dear Huddle: I have recently been having a dream where I am at Joe Robbie Stadium and I punch out Bryan Cox. Am I in, or am I out? -- Jerome Meloche, London, Ontario. Everyone has that dream. Next? Dear Huddle: My father is the athletic director at U-M. I know he's taking a lame record to a mediocre bowl. But he's also taking his new wife, Carolyn, whom he married Christmas Day. This merits the Huddle, doesn't it? -- Marvin Roberson, Jacobsville. Actually, what merits the Huddle is a son who calls his dad's record "lame" and his bowl "mediocre." Have you checked the will lately? Anyhow, you're all in. Dear Huddle: My cat is named Mitch. Can I get in the Huddle? -- Gail Page Kelly, Bloomfield Hills. My dog's named Elvis. Do I get into Graceland? Hey, Huddle. I've heard of the Rose, Sugar and Orange bowls. But what are the Freedom, Independence and Heritage bowls? About nine hours' worth of car commercials. Huddle, I wanted your poll for Xmas. Sure thing, Santa. Here it is: TOP BOTTOM 1. San Francisco 12. Detroit 2. Pittsburgh 27. Houston 3. San Diego 28. Gymboree 4. Dallas 29. Philadelphia Yo, Huddle. Why do NFL players immediately rip off their helmets when they score? That's how fast their heads are swelling. Hey, Huddle. Why would Dick Vermeil even consider coaching again? If your job required sitting next to Brent Musburger, what would you do? So, Huddle, any New Year's resolutions? Yes. The Huddle resolves never to watch a Fox pregame skit, never to pick on George Perles again -- unless he gets another job -- and to review Lou Holtz's application very carefully next year, before rejecting it. HAPPY NEW YEAR . . . BREAK! COLUMN; FOOTBALL; PLAYOFFS; ANALYSIS; GAMES; NFL