9601020530
DETROIT FREE PRESS
960115
Monday, January 15, 1996
METRO FINAL
1D
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1996, Detroit Free Press
FORGET FLASHBACKS TO 1970S;
STEELERS NO MATCH FOR DALLAS
Well, football fans, the NFL playoffs, known to insiders as "games that
are actually close," are now officially over. Which means: Time to duck.
Over the next two weeks, you will be bombarded with Super Bowl Previews,
Super Bowl Extras, Super Bowl Insiders, Super Bowl Extravaganzas, Super Bowl
Close-Ups, Super Bowl Analysis, and Super Bowl Commercials Featuring Michael
Jordan.
After which will come the actual game, a nail-biting 52-10 victory for the
NFC team.
Let me save you some trouble. This morning, while the smell of the season's
last real football still wafts in the air, I will warn you about the trend
you most want to avoid in the next two weeks.
The Super Bowl Flashback.
Beware. It will come at you from all sides. That's because, now that Dallas
and Pittsburgh have been deemed the combatants for Super Bowl XXX, every
media member worth his press pass will be compelled to gaze back longingly on
the last time these two teams met, which was in 1979, or, in football terms,
"back when players thought they were rich because they drove Cadillacs,
hahahahAHAHAHAHA!"
Stop. Right here. Pay no attention to these comparisons. If you watched
the games on Sunday, you know that these are not your old Pittsburgh Steelers
-- for one thing, most of these players have teeth -- and these Cowboys have
as much in common with the Cowboys of 1979 as "NYPD Blue" has with "I Love
Lucy."
Let's put it this way: Can you imagine Deion Sanders doing his little dance
routine in front of his coach, Tom Landry?
Exactly.
Cowboys flick on the switch
And as long as we're there, let's start with the Cowboys, who proved once
again that nobody is more bored with the regular season than they are. From
September to December, all they did was give us reasons to pick against them.
Barry Switzer made calls that a 4-year-old would avoid. Troy Aikman was
supposedly unhappy. Jerry (Where's the Camera?) Jones pulled one stunt after
another, throwing wheelbarrows of money at Sanders, then telling the rest of
the owners to kiss his shorts.
They appeared to be a ship on fire. They lost to teams they should have
crushed. And then, here comes January, and the Cowboys roll over Philadelphia
and squash Green Bay and they're back in the big dance, just like that.
By the way, did you happen to catch the scene on the podium after the NFC
Championship trophy was awarded Sunday? Switzer was dripping from Gatorade,
mumbling about "Going to the big one" and Jerry Jones was lifting some woman
and carrying her off the stage and Michael Irvin grabbed the microphone and
yelled to a national TV audience, "COACH SWITZER HAS TO PUT UP WITH ALL THE
BLEEP!"
This after Pittsburgh's Greg Lloyd earlier in the day told a live TV
audience that the Steelers we're going to win the bleeping Super Bowl. News
flash: All NFL games will now come with a parental advisory for explicit
lyrics.
Anyhow, give credit to Dallas' skill players -- Aikman, Irvin, Emmitt Smith
-- and give credit to their linemen, both offensive and defensive. That was
where the game was won.
As for Green Bay's miracle man Brett Favre, the guy who was supposed to
lead his cheeseheads back to the crackers? Well, he began Sunday's game
throwing passes to imaginary basketball players -- who else could get that
high? -- and ended it by throwing a poor-judgment interception, which was
supposed to be the characteristic he lost this year, wasn't it?
All in all, Favre was so scrambled by the Cowboys defense, he is now
spelling his name F-a-r-v-e, which, come to think of it, should have happened
a long time ago.
Did someone say Pittsburgh?
Steelers a no-name bunch
Yes, the Steelers have returned to the Super Bowl, but there is no Franco
Harris, Lynn Swann, John Stallworth or Rocky Bleier -- although I promise
you, every one of them will be resurrected in the next few weeks. Their old
quarterback, Terry Bradshaw, is still around, trying to fit into the purple
suspenders that all Fox broadcasters must wear.
But these 1996 Steelers are a less famous bunch than their predecessors.
Quick. Name their running back. Quick, name their quarterback. Quick, name
their coach. If you said Chuck Noll, it is time to take a shower.
No, these Steelers are coached by a dedicated man named Bill Cowher, who,
with the recent retirement of Don Shula, takes over the coveted role as
Biggest Jaw in Football.
His quarterback is Neil O'Donnell, who looks a little like a bearded Dennis
Miller. His running backs are Erric Pegram and Bam Morris. His best receiver
is named Thigpen. Don't ask.
Just know this. During the next two weeks, every sports outlet will remind
you that the Steelers have never lost to the Cowboys in a Super Bowl, and that
the last time they played, 1979, was the famous game in which Jackie Smith
dropped the pass, and referee Fred Swearingen threw the interference flag that
changed everything. You will hear from Roger Staubach, Jack Lambert, Tony
Dorsett, Ed (Too Tall) Jones.
And it won't mean a thing.
Dallas 52, Pittsburgh 10.
After all, why break with tradition?
Mitch Albom's new radio show "Albom In the Afternoon" airs 2-4 p.m.
weekdays on WJR-AM (760).
THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED ARTICLE.