9601030926
DETROIT FREE PRESS
960127
Saturday, January 27, 1996
METRO FINAL
1B
Photo;Photo JEFF ROBBINS/Associated Press;Photo GENE J. PUSKAR/Associated Press
:
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR . . .
The Super Bowl's commercials are often more interesting than
the game. Above, a camper -- wilderness-impaired except for his
pizza-flavored Doritos -- gets friendly beavers to build him a
log cabin complete with hot tub.
(Photo by JEFF ROBBINS/Associated Press )
WILL DIANA REIGN SUPREME AT HALFTIME?
Singer Diana Ross is a passing fancy for former Steeler Lynn
Swann. Ross can only hope the game won't be out of hand and
losing its audience by the time she takes the stage at
intermission.
(Photo by GENE J. PUSKAR/Associated Press
SUPER BABAIES WRAPPED IN TERRIBLE TOWELS
Will this practice bring good luck or just cause some nasty
yellow-and-black diaper rashes? Dr. Nilima Karamchandani checks
out little Eric Prokopchak.
JIMMY'S NEW PLAY: HUT ONE, HUT TWO!
In another commercial, new Miami Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson
pitches Pizza Hut's new triple-decker. And his hair never
moves. Never.
MITCH ALBOM
SUPER BOWL XXX
Copyright (c) 1996, Detroit Free Press
PICKS AND SHTICKS
CURT, HERE'S A PICK THAT STANDS OUT IN A CROWD
TEMPE, Ariz. -- As you know, Curtis, you silver-haired warbler, anyone who
predicts Pittsburgh will win this Super Bowl is a fool. So when readers learn
that someone in this fine newspaper is actually picking the Steelers, their
reaction will no doubt be: "Hey, it's Curt Sylvester!"
After all, you are the man who once said, "Trust me, Denver will win the
Super Bowl," a sentence that ranks up there with "Columbus, you will sail off
the edge of the Earth and die."
Frankly, Curt, we are all getting a little embarrassed by your wrong picks
week after week. And besides, your doctor told us it wouldn't be wise for you
to make any more bad predictions, ever since that stock thing went sour and
you had to move into a large cardboard box.
And so, being the loving, caring friend that I am -- and also having lost
the race for first pick in this debate -- I will play your part, Curt.
First, let me dye my hair white.
Now spin me around until I'm dizzy.
OK! Pittsburgh will win!
Of course, I don't believe this. But then, I didn't believe in the tooth
fairy, and I still checked under my pillow. You never know. Besides, anyone
can pick the Cowboys.
To go with the Steelers? That requires creativity. You must paint a
picture in which Emmitt Smith fumbles under the pressure of the Steelers'
defense, and Troy Aikman is rattled by the endless pressure of Greg Lloyd and
Kevin Greene, and Deion Sanders is so blinded by the lens of his own NBC
camera that he blows his coverage.
You must weave a tale in which the bearded Neil O'Donnell -- who resembles
a hairy Dennis Miller -- plays the game of his life, and slices the Dallas
defense to shreds, leading his team to victory.
Such a story requires great imagination, not to mention prescription
drugs. This, normally, would be where you come in, Curt.
By the way. You don't still think you're Queen Elizabeth, do you?
How many fingers, Curt?
Listen, my aged friend. I know how badly you want to be a Cowboy. I see
you wandering the Free Press halls in your cowboy boots, singing bad Willie
Nelson songs. Remember this one?
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be sports writers
Don't let em pick bowl games, Or tell you the score
Make 'em be doctors
They'll earn so much more!
You should have listened, Curt. We all should have listened. Instead, here
we are, you blindly falling into the most obvious pick since the Grenada
invasion, and me stuck picking a team that forgot to put the logo on one side
of its helmets.
And so, with a heavy heart, I reveal the following score. My only solace
is that, on Sunday night, you will probably have one nice gloating moment of
happiness, before you return to your sad and pathetic fantasy world, in which
you play Gene Autry.
By the way, you're a little old for the part.
Pittsburgh 24, Dallas 21.
Now, please. Burn this newspaper.
THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED ARTICLE.
SUPER BOWL; FOOTBALL; FORECAST