9501110612 DETROIT FREE PRESS 950324 Friday, March 24, 1995 METRO EDITION

SPT

1D Photo : Kato now Kato's next role? Michael and Kato enjoy a private moment Our hero Perry? Game Face Bill Game Face . . . Bill? MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press THE LIVE ALBOM * I'll say this about Kato Kaelin. He's sure the guy I'd want watching my house. * I mean, has the witness stand become America's answer to Open Mike Night? Consider the O.J. cast: a cop who's an alcoholic, a sister who's an alcoholic, an ex-marine who says he did -- no, wait, he didn't -- talk to F. Lee Bailey, Rosa Lopez, who can't decide if she's walking the dog or flying to Central America, Faye Resnick, who's either a dear friend or a junkie, and, of course, the Kato-Man, who's a few strokes short of par himself. * No wonder everyone's leaving LA. * Speaking of Kato, his hairdresser is happy to be getting work again, since the last head he cut was Bert Lahr in "The Wizard of Oz." * Michael vs. Shaq tonight should be re-named "The GNP on TNT." * That's Gross National Product, for the initial-impaired. * Well. I'm ready to fill out my NCAA pool now. * I like Kansas, Arkansas, U-Mass and Wake Forest to reach the Sweet Sixteen. And I'm usually pretty good at these things. * What do you supposed NBC has in store this Sunday to sabotage CBS's ratings? Babe Ruth as a replacement player? * The only problem with this shortened hockey season is that it's temporary. Does anyone actually miss the 34 games that won't be played? * Red Wing fans wish the playoffs would start tomorrow, anyhow. * ATTENTION, GRANT HILL'S AGENT: There's a talk show in Peru he hasn't been on yet. They're ticked. * I'm sorry. I have to say this. Shawn Respert should be shooting jump shots right now, in front of a screaming crowd. * Speaking of basketball, I knew it was just a matter of time before a Free Press employee was recognized for his hoop-it-up skill. This week, out own Perry Farrell was given the Mr. Basketball award, under his high school pseudonym, Robert Traylor. * I love the baseball headline I saw in USA Today "Usery: Time now is truly running out." * OK. Thanks for the update. * Where do they hire these mediators? The same place they hire the acting baseball commissioners, I guess. * Let's take a quick look at the Lions, shall we? Since the season ended, they lost their top-performing quarterback, their top-performing kick returner, and their top-performing pass- rusher linebacker. And what's worse -- they still haven't re-signed Chuck Long! * I mean, we can live with the first three, but.... * That's a nice sentiment. But the fact is, if we all did that, we'd still believe Darryl Strawberry never played high on cocaine, and Bob Probert never snuck drugs across the border, and O.J. Simpson never hit his wife. * Bill Frieder still complaining about his dismissal from Michigan is like me still looking for my first bicycle. * Speaking of Frieder, he's got his game face on now. You know, the one he uses when he plays Freddy Kruger.