9501300381
DETROIT FREE PRESS
950927
Wednesday, September 27, 1995
METRO FINAL
1C
Drawing DICK MAYER
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press
THE HUDDLE
Last week Wayne Fontes likened his job to a deer being chased by hunters.
Monday night, after the miracle over San Francisco, I heard deep voices
yelling, "Damn! Missed again!"
Amazing, isn't it? Well . . .
Hut one, hut two . . . HUDDLE UP!
WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Scott Mitchell, Brett Perriman, Chris Spielman, Herman
Moore, Jason Hanson, Tracy Scroggins . . . oh, what the hell. The whole team.
Including the head coach, Bambi.
WHO'S OUT: Marquez Pope, George Seifert, Bill (First I Kill The Refs, Then
I Go After the Commissioner) Cowher, Randall Cunningham, Joe Paterno, the
Miami Hurricanes, Deion Sanders' ankle, the most overcovered piece of anatomy
since Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
Dum-dum-dum . . . I will surviiive . . . hi, Huddle.
Well, look. It's Wayne Fontes. I gotta admit. You're amazing. You're
incredible. If we tied you to a freezer and dropped you in the ocean, you'd be
back at work the next day.
Heh-heh.
Your team looked great Monday. In fact, it looked an awful lot like the
49ers and . . . hey, what's that in your back pocket?
What? . . . Where? . . . Huh?
The 49ers playbook? How did you get this?
I found it in the woods.
What were you doing in the woods?
Ducking. Hey, can my friend come in, too?
Sorry, we don't accept four-legged members.
Yo, Huddle, Coach sent me to get that playbook.
Why, look. It's Doug Brien, the 49ers kicker. Let me make you feel at
home, son. Ready? Boink!
Very funny. I need that playbook.
How about a trade? Give us Jerry Rice, we'll call it even.
What? That's not fair!
Neither is you guys winning all those Super Bowls. Now beat it, Mr.
Upright. We like this short passing stuff.
Excuse me, Mr. Huddle, sir?
Uh-oh. I know that voice.
I was wondering whether I could get in. See, I got this here neck problem
. . .
Lou Holtz! What a cheap sentimental trick. You couldn't get in all last
year and now you come for the sympathy vote?
Have mercy?
I have mercy.
Have pity?
I have pity.
So I can get in the Huddle?
Are you nuts?
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG . . .
Dear Huddle: Why did Joe Paterno run up the score against Rutgers when he
said he didn't believe in that stuff?
Maybe he thought no one was looking.
Dear Huddle: Which Shula should I go with this Sunday when Miami plays
Cincinnati?
Here's a hint: Which one thinks "a popular recording artist" means Perry
Como?
Huddle! Quick! Let me in!
Hey. It's the ref from the Pittsburgh-Minnesota game. The one who said
there were 12 men on the field when there were really 11.
Bill Cowher is after me! Hide me!
First, look at my hand. How many fingers?
Uh . . . six?
Beat it.
Hey, Huddle, remember me?
Rodney Peete. You old dog. What are you doing these days?
I'm gonna start this week.
You found a job?
I'm the new quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles.
Great. Are you gonna show some of that blazing speed and incredible
accuracy -- not to mention durability -- that you gave us here?
You got it. Ray Rhodes called me "a feisty player."
Great. Hmm. What does that mean?
I have no idea. A job's a job.
HEY, HUDDLE, WHERE'S THE NFL POLL?
Glad you asked.
TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE
1. Dallas 28. New Orleans
2. Miami 29. Doug Brien
3. St. Louis 30. Carolina
Dear Huddle: What does the Rams' success in St. Louis suggest?
That the Lakers might soon play in Little Rock.
Hey, Huddle. Now that the Lions have beaten San Fran, there is nothing to
fear, right?
Except the last real test.
Dallas?
No, Tampa Bay.
Do you want to be in the Huddle? Send your questions, comments or reasons
for admission to the Huddle, Detroit Free Press, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit
48226. Or fax 1-313-222-5983.