9601300975
DETROIT FREE PRESS
960929
Sunday, September 29, 1996
METRO FINAL
1E
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1996, Detroit Free Press
KISS AND TELL SHOWS HOW SAD WE'VE BECOME
Whenever this country starts to depress me -- more and more these days, I'm
afraid -- I think back a few years to a time in New York City, when I was a
social worker. I ran an after- school program for 5- and 6-year-olds. They
would line up each day at the bottom of the stairs, then wait until I blew a
whistle.
The best part was watching them -- when they didn't know I was watching. It
was a diverse group, and I still can see them in line, a black girl with her
arms around a white girl, a Chinese boy grabbing the shoulders of the Puerto
Rican boy in front of him. They were not embarrassed about their affections,
they hugged and kissed, and I remember thinking the obvious, "Wouldn't it be
great if we stayed this way as adults?"
I also remember thinking, "What a shame that, in a few years, they won't be
doing this."
Now, if some zealots in North Carolina have their way, they won't be doing
it at age 6 either.
I am referring, of course, to the kiss heard 'round the world, 6-year-old
Johnathan Prevette, a blond-haired, moon- faced, outgoing little boy. At least
he used to be outgoing. Then he pecked the cheek of a girl in his class, and
the principal banished him from the classroom.
Johnathan was suspended.
On the grounds of sexual harassment.
Excuse me? Don't they mean "six-ual" harassment -- because all the kid did
was act his age. In case these morally indignant North Carolina folks have
forgotten, 6-year-olds steal kisses from each other. They yank each others'
hair. They grab each others' toys. They hold hands in line. They spin around
and fall on top of each other.
So what are we saying? Now it's politically incorrect to be 6?
Kids say the right things
Just to remind you what we're dealing with here, I conducted some random
interviews. Not adults. Adults screw things up. I asked kids.
My first subject: a 5-year-old named Daniel. I asked whether he ever kissed
a girl in school.
"No way!"
What are the rules about kissing a girl?
"I dunno."
What would you do if a girl kissed you?
"Yuck!'
Next subject: a 5 1/2-year-old girl named Devon. I asked whether she ever
kissed a boy. First she screamed and laughed and bent over and flopped around.
Then she said, "Once. Hahahaha!"
Why did you kiss him?
Another scream. Another flop. "I dunno!"
Third subject: a 7-year-old named Alex. I asked whether he knew what
"sexual harassment" meant. He scrunched up his face and swung his legs off a
kitchen counter.
"Huh?" he said.
You get it? This is what we're dealing with. Children. With children's
innocence -- something, if you ask me, we should celebrate while it's still
there. I'm not saying you tell kids to kiss each other all day long. But if
little Mary gets pecked on the cheek and complains about it, the teacher can
say, "Mary, Johnathan was only showing you that he liked you. But, Johnathan,
if Mary doesn't want to be kissed, then you can't just kiss her. Understand?"
You know what they call that? Teaching.
You know what they call tossing a
6-year-old out for sexual harassment?
Lunacy.
Once again society runs amok
It is worth noting that the little girl in this case reportedly asked to
be kissed. So it's not just Johnathan who's traumatized, it's the girl who now
realizes something she did caused a friend to get suspended and all these
reporters to come swarming in. That's good for a child's development, huh?
By the way, a suggestion for Patricia Ireland, the president of NOW, the
National Organization for Women, who said of this case "boys who aren't taught
to respect girls grow up to be workers at the Mitsubishi plant." Here's the
suggestion: lighten up.
You have to account for age. This kid, Johnathan, in two years won't want
anything to do with girls. In six years, he'll be shy and awkward around
them. Maybe in eight years he'll get around to kissing another one.
His future sexual behavior would not have been shaped by this kiss. He
likely would have forgotten all about it -- expect now, he'll be able to read
it in newspaper clippings.
How did we get so morally maniacal? Don't just blame the schools. They're
only doing what parents demand. Blame the paranoia we've developed about "my
kids" being influenced by "other kids" with "their ways" and "their behavior."
Everyone is so self-centered, they don't see the importance of belonging to a
bigger society.
I used to see it, every afternoon, in a lineup of happy children in a
hallway of a recreation center. I carry that snapshot, black with white,
yellow with brown, arm in arm, hand in hand, if only to remind me that life
wasn't always this insane, and maybe one day, it won't have to be.
THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED ARTICLE.
COLUMN; CHILD; KISS; HARASSMENT