9601310597 DETROIT FREE PRESS 961004 Friday, October 04, 1996 METRO FINAL

SPT

1D Photo MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1996, Detroit Free Press TGI FOOTBALL * HUT ONE: When the nicest thing you yell at your coach is "I'll pull my pants down and you can kiss my butt," you can probably count on sitting on that butt for a while. Which brings us to Jeff (Who Me?) George, whose reputation is only slightly better than that of Joe Pesci in the film "Goodfellas." Remember when Pesci says laughingly to the waiter, "Am I funny to you? What? Do I amuse you?" Then he says a few things I can't print in a family newspaper. And then he shoots the waiter in the foot. Well, George is a little like that. He seems to be OK, he's throwing a lot of nice, spiraling passes, and then -- bam! Something happens. And he shoots you in the foot. Remember, this is the same guy who pouted his way out of one college, then another. He came into the NFL sulking. Indianapolis, his first team, finally dumped him. Now Atlanta is doing the same. Frankly, the only surprise is that George hasn't said that his "pulling down my pants" remark was "taken out of context." Then again, I am trying to think of a context in which those comments would be innocent. Maybe . . . JUNE JONES: Darn it, Jeff! This fan keeps calling me a cheesehead! What should I say to him? GEORGE: Gee, Coach. How about, "I'll pull my pants down and you can kiss my butt." JONES: Yeah! That's a good one! Thanks! Or how about . . . JONES: Hey, Jeff. There's Dan Dierdorf. How can we do something that he'll talk about on "Monday Night Football"? GEORGE: Gee, coach. I dunno. How about, I'll pull my pants down and you can kiss my butt? JONES: Yeah! That's a swell idea! Thanks! * HUT TWO: Of course, those who think this is the first transgression of the coach/quarterback relationship are mistaken. Phil Simms and Bill Parcells fought like barnyard animals on the sidelines -- and they won a Super Bowl. Mike Ditka had stormy relationships with Jim McMahon, Jim Harbaugh and Mike Tomczak. Even Terry Bradshaw and Chuck Noll did not always get along. Of course, most of these guys did not yell, "I'll pull down my pants and you can kiss my . . . " Well, you get the idea. WHAT IS JEFF THINKING? A. "Where's the pacifier on this cup?" B. "Am I funny to you? Do I amuse you?" C. "A little arsenic, a little rat poison . . . " D. "That's it. I'm transferring to Notre Dame." * HUT THREE: Michigan, Northwestern. The words once inspired hysterical laughter. Then came last year, when, in the fourth quarter, to U-M's humiliation, the following conversation took place: WOLVERINES: Haha! We beat you nerds again! Go back to your Russian literature classes! WILDCATS: We beg to differ. Cast a glance toward the scoreboard hovering above the oval stadium. WOLVERINES: Hyuck! Who taught you fellers how to talk? Roddy McDowall? . . . hahaha . . . ha . . . h . . . Hey, look! They're winning! WILDCATS: Precisely. James? Our coats. . . . This year, the Wildcats' star player is once again running back Darnell Autry, who plans to be an actor. The Michigan defense has a role in mind. They want him to play the waiter in "Goodfellas." * HUT FOUR: Between the start of this column and where you are right now, Iowa State's Troy Davis gained 457 yards. * HUT FIVE: Here's my quote of the week, from Notre Dame linebacker Bert Berry, after the Irish lost to Ohio State: "They took a little sail out of our wind." Yeah, and rolling moss gathers no stones. THE HUDDLE * WHO'S IN: Scott Mitchell, Pepper Johnson, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership), the Dallas Cowboys (admit it, that was a gut-check performance Monday night), Elvis Grbac, Charles Woodson, David Bowens and Alan Trammell, maybe the classiest 20 years a shortstop ever gave his town. * WHO'S OUT: UCLA, Philadelphia Eagles fans (easily the most disgusting in the league), Marty Chokenheimer's Kansas City Chiefs, the Vikings, Ron Powlus and Roberto (Loogie) Alomar. I don't care if he's baseball. Spit this. THE PICKS * MICHIGAN 23, NORTHWESTERN 20: Blue is a primary color. Purple is a derivative. I know that means nothing to most people, but the mock-elite at Northwestern are bothered by it, and that's good enough for me. * OHIO STATE 30, PENN STATE 27: Joe Paterno may want to roll his pants up a little higher. That muck he just stepped in could be the end of his national championship plans. * MICHIGAN STATE 19, IOWA 17: I know the Hawkeyes are favored. But I can't pick a team that just lost to Tulsa. * DETROIT 30, ATLANTA 23: I don't want to say Bennie Blades was pooped after his 98-yard interception return, but all this week, he was practicing laterals. THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY FROM THE PRINTED ARTICLE.