9502020885
DETROIT FREE PRESS
951024
Tuesday, October 24, 1995
METRO FINAL
1D
Drawing DICK MAYER/Detroit Free Press
MITCH ALBOM
Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press
THE HUDDLE
In honor of the World Series, we will have a special snap count for today's
Huddle.
Strike one, strike two, Ted and Jane, get a room!
HUDDLE UP!
WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Tony Banks (nice arm), Amani Toomer (nice arm), Tim
Biakabutuka (is there anybody who doesn't throw here?), Greg Maddux, Kenny
Lofton, Derrick Mason, Marc Renaud, Herman Moore, Barry Sanders (lifetime
membership), Elvis (Don't Be Cruel) Grbac, the Jacksonville Jaguars, Ferris
State, the Albion Britons, and Smokey Gaines' sister, who works at Tiger
Stadium, because she asked.
WHO'S OUT: Take a guess. (They wear blue.) Also, the USC (Fraud) Trojans,
Kansas State (Fraud) Wildcats, the entire AFC Central (Fraud) Division, the
New Orleans Saints, Bernie Kosar (slowest gun in the East), and the Montreal
Canadiens, for axing Jacques Demers.
Say! Who's in charge 'round here?
Why, it's Ted Turner. And his wife, whatzername.
Hey, Bud. How much it cost to -- easy, Jane, you're gettin' lipstick on my
ears -- how much does it cost get in this Huddle thing?
You mean you want to buy us?
Why the hell not? I hear -- easy now, darlin', that's an Armani coat you're
squeezin' -- I hear this is the place to be. If I can't own a network, maybe
I'll own this Huddle. How much?
Before I sell, I must ask two questions.
Shoot.
This woman. Is she permanently attached?
Huh?
Also, what's the infield fly rule?
Hell, I don't know.
Hell, you can go home now.
Are you insulting me -- Jane, dang it, stop ticklin' me while I'm tryin' to
do business --
Next?
Here I am, Huddle. Open up. Let me in.
Darrell Green! Say. How'd it feel to make that winning interception against
the Lions Sunday?
It felt great. I read the play all the way. See, I stunted up, caught them
off guard, slid into the passing lane --
Who are you kidding? The pass was a joke. Had it been anywhere near target,
you would have been left looking over your shoulder.
But I made the play.
The ball was in your chest. Even Bennie Blades might have caught that one.
Next?
Help us, Huddle!
The Cleveland Indians. Say. What happened to your power, boys?
Our bats are jinxed. Our gloves are hexed. Our shoes are cursed. Save us!
Give us a win!
Hmmm . . . what's it worth to you?
What do you want?
Give Detroit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, we'll call it even.
You got it.
And you got your victory tonight.
Bless you, Huddle.
No, Bless You, Boys.
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG:
Dear Huddle: Will the lady who left her 11 children at the Silverdome
please come and pick them up? They're beating the Lions, 14-0. (Signed)
Albert Becker, Paw Paw.
Ed McMahon will be calling any minute, Al.
Dear Huddle: I have been rooting for the Cubs, Northwestern, Lions and
Tigers for 43 years. Admission to the Huddle would be fair reward for my
suffering. (Signed) Bill Guinn, Dearborn.
You're easily satisfied. Come on in.
Dear Huddle: Regarding last week's Huddle, you listed Ferris State No. 29
in your poll. Why? They've gone 36 regular-season games without a defeat. I am
truly disappointed. (Signed) Mike Woodhouse, Big Rapids.
It was an NFL poll, Mike. Don't you know a compliment when you see one?
Speaking of which, WHERE'S THE POLL?
Easy, Ratso.
TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE
1. Dallas 28. Lions
3. San Francisco 30. New Orleans
Oxygen, Huddle! Oxygen!
Vince Evans. Nice job Sunday.
Oxy . . . (pant) . . . gen!
Really, those passes were great. For a guy your age? What are you, 74?
Oxy . . . (thud!)
Somebody help him up.
Mr. Huddle, sir?
Lou Holtz? And I was having such a good day.
Sir, we did beat USC. They were in the top 10.
So was Peter McNeeley.
Does he play for us?
Beat it.
Hey, Huddle. It's obvious the Lions' defense needs someone who can grab,
tackle and smother. Can you recommend someone?
How about Jane Fonda?
Do you want to be in the Huddle? Send your questions, comments or reasons
for admission to The Huddle, Detroit Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette,
Detroit 48226, or fax 1-313-222-5983.
COLUMN