9502050127
DETROIT FREE PRESS
951107
Tuesday, November 07, 1995
METRO FINAL
1D
Drawing Color DICK MAYER/Detroit Free Press
MITCH ALBOM
THE HUDDLE
Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press
Question of the week for Lions fans: Which is worse, watching Rodney Peete
and Erik Kramer play for winning clubs, or watching the Lions lose to Atlanta,
a team that uses the run 'n' shoot?
Answer: What's the difference? Hell is hell.
ONE, TWO, THREE . . . HUDDLE UP!
WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Tony Banks, all MSU receivers, the entire town of East
Lansing, Nick Saban, the Northwestern (We're So Excited, We Forgot To Study
for Midterms) Wildcats, Eddie George, the Ferris State Bulldogs, Barry Sanders
(lifetime membership), the Carolina (Grrr) Panthers, Bill Wickett of Pistons
PR, Billy, Mike, James and Steve of Lions PR (talk about a tough job), and
the one and only George Foreman, who actually said on Saturday night's fight
broadcast, "Sometimes more is less, or less is more."
WHO'S OUT: Wayne (The Big Buck) Fontes, Wayne's (the Big Buck's) staff,
Robert (Oops, I'm Offside) Porcher, the Lions' secondary, Michigan's defense,
the once-mighty 49ers, the "Baltimore" Browns (yuk), Florida State, Buddy
Ryan (lifetime expulsion), Rich Kotite, and the St. Louis Rams, who are now
showing why LA didn't care that they left.
Excuse me. Comin' through.
Art Modell. Where you going with those moving trucks, fella?
Nowhere.
You wouldn't be packing up the team, now?
Well, it's my team.
Your team, huh? Then why didn't you buy all the tickets?
Huh?
Why didn't you sit outside all those years, in the freezing cold, with dog
snouts on your head?
Well, I--
Why should you get $50 million just for moving? How can you not call that
selling out your city? What about all those loyal fans?
Look, football is a business and I'm just a company. Any other company can
move its headquarters.
Any other company that draws 70,000 fans and can't make money would be
invaded by the IRS.
IT'S MY TEAM!
It's Cleveland's team, too, you big blowhard! Now beat it!
Hey, Artie, wait up!
Wayne Fontes. Where are you going?
Who, uh, me? Nowhere.
Nowhere? With a suitcase?
I keep it packed. Just in case.
Why are you chasing Modell?
I confess. It's that $50-million relocation fee.
How does that affect you?
Well, Modell got one. And while I'd hate to leave Detroit, considering our
record if someone paid me $50 million to relocate, I'd have to do it.
Wayne, it's $50 million for the franchise. Not the coach.
It is?
Yes, Wayne.
Oh. Never mind.
God help us.
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG:
Dear Huddle: Having moved here from North Carolina, I respectfully request
to join your group. I have a Panther mug, a Panther water bottle and a Panther
truck on my desk. (Signed) Royce Johnson, Berkley.
You fit a truck on your desk?
Dear Huddle: Try this poem. There once was a guy named Wayne, whose promises
were a real pain, with a push and a shove, the call came from above, send him
out on the very next plane! Can I get in? (Signed) Don Martineau, Manistee.
Depends. Do you do bar mitzvahs?
Dear Huddle: My name is Otis. I'm a golden retriever from Royal Oak. I
deserve to be in the Huddle because I like to play on grass and I'm a road
dog.
Can you play cornerback?
Hello, Huddle.
Nick Saban. Whoa. As the kids say, "You rule!"
Yes.
You must be pretty excited, huh?
Yes.
Thrilled! Overjoyed! Biggest win in years!
Yes.
A win like that can make your program!
Yes.
Nick, you're not on cold medication, are you?
C'MON. GIVE US THE NFL POLL!
Easy, Artie.
TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE
1. Kansas City 28. Jets
2. Dallas 29. Toledo
3. Oakland 30. Lions
Hey, Huddle. After what happened with Cleveland, is there a chance that the
Lions will move someplace else?
Are you asking, or hoping?
Send your questions, comments or reasons you should be included in the
Huddle to: Huddle, Detroit Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226,
or fax 1-313-222-5983.
COLUMN; FOOTBALL