9502060935
DETROIT FREE PRESS
951121
Tuesday, November 21, 1995
METRO FINAL
1D
Drawing Color DICK MAYER/Detroit Free Press
MITCH ALBOM
THE HUDDLE
Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press
Hey, Huddle. (Gobble! Gobble!)
Wayne Fontes. Why are all those turkeys following you around?
Damn if I know. They won't leave me alone. I wake up in the morning,
they're in my bed. I take a shower, they come in behind me. They hang all
over me. I can't figure it out.
Hmmm. Let's ask one. Mr. Turkey, why are you stalking our football coach?
(Squak!) Because (squak!) no matter what he does (squak!) he never gets
(squak!) his head chopped off.
And at this time of year, you can use that kind of protection?
You got it, mister (Squak!)
Makes sense to me, Wayne.
ONE, TWO, THREE . . . HUDDLE UP!
WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Don Majkowski, Brett Perriman, Herman Moore, Henry
(The Force) Thomas, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership), Darnell (Heisman
Maybe) Autry, Troy (Heisman Maybe) Davis, the Baltimore Stallions, Eddie
George, Jeff George, Curious George and Bo (Lemme At 'Em!) Schembechler, who,
even though he's been retired for five years, still chased down the refs at
halftime of the Michigan game and let them have it.
WHO'S OUT: Michigan's field goal defense team, Buddy Ryan (lifetime
expulsion), Bud Adams, Art Modell, any other members of the NFL's Pack 'Em Up
Committee, Tennessee, the "mighty" Oakland Raiders, USC (Thanks for sprucing
up the Rose Bowl) and the San Diego Chargers, about whom we can now say: it's
official, last year was a fluke.
Hey! You!
Hey! Buddy Ryan!
What's with this expunction thing?
Expulsion, Buddy. It means you can never be in the Huddle.
What's a huddle?
That's my point. You don't know offense. Your team had 96 yards Sunday.
You can get that by falling forward.
Aw, heck. There ain't nothing wrong with my offense except that it DON'T
TACKLE ENOUGH! CRUSH 'EM, MEN! HIT 'EM HARD!
Uh, Buddy?
WHA! . . . Huh?
The offense isn't supposed to tackle.
It isn't?
Next?
Ahem. Mr. Huddle, sir?
Oh, no. Lou Holtz. And I was having such a nice week.
I was wondering if, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, you might smoke the
peace pipe with me and let us in the Huddle.
Lou. I don't smoke.
Please. How about some cranberry sauce?
I don't like cranberries.
Stove Top stuffing?
Did you make it?
Actually, one of the bowls sent it over.
One of the bowls?
Oh yeah. They always send us stuff. And they call and ask if we would come
to their game, even though we have a worse record than other teams.
That's disgusting!
But we're Notre Dame.
And you're out of the Huddle.
No. Please. Have a turkey wing --
Turkey? Wayne! Gobblers! Get him!
NOOO! . . . AHHY . . . (squak! gobble!) Eeek!
LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG:
Dear Huddle: I have a problem. This week, I can go over to my
mother-in-law's and let her ridicule me, or I can stay at home and watch the
Lions. Any suggestions? A Great White North Lions Fan.
Running away sounds good.
Dear Huddle: I am currently a student at Northwestern, home of the
Wildcats. I even went to the Michigan game and saw NU beat them in the big
house. My family sends me the Free Press so I can read The Huddle. Can I get
in? Scott Gillard, Evanston, Ill.
No, but your parents can.
Hey, Huddle. How can the Outback Bowl even consider taking Michigan over
Michigan State?
Here's a better question: How does anyone approve a name like the Outback
Bowl?
Poll! POLL! GIVE US THE POLL!
OK. Stop beating your drumsticks.
TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE
1. Dallas 28. Washington
2. Kansas City 29. Anfernee Hardaway
3. Atlanta 30. NY Jets
Hey, Huddle. How about a Thanksgiving prayer?
Very well. Dear Lord. Thank you for our blessings, such as Barry Sanders,
Tim Biakabutuka, Nick Saban and the expired contract of Andre Ware. Also, if
it's not too much trouble, could you send us some defensive backs?
Anything else?
Amen?
Mitch Albom will sign copies of his new book, "Live Albom IV": 12:30-1:30
p.m. Friday at Barnes and Noble, Telegraph Road, Bloomfield Hills; 12:30-1:30
Saturday, B. Dalton, Telegraph Road; and 3-4 Saturday, B. Dalton, 12 Oaks
Mall.
Do you want to be in the Huddle? Send your questions, comments or reasons
for admission to The Huddle, Detroit Free press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette,
Detroit, Mich. 48226, or fax to 1-313-222-5983.
COLUMN; APPEARANCE; BOOK; FOOTBALL