9502080678 DETROIT FREE PRESS 951206 Wednesday, December 06, 1995 METRO FINAL

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1D Drawing Color DICK MAYER/Detroit Free Press MITCH ALBOM Copyright (c) 1995, Detroit Free Press THE HUDDLE And now, for his next trick, Wayne Fontes will prove that he is actually the long lost son of Vince Lombardi. They have the same hair. . . . HUT ONE, HUT TWO . . . HUDDLE UP! WHO'S IN THIS WEEK: Mitchell, Moore, Spielman, Thomas, Johnson, Porcher -- aw, heck, the whole Lions team. Also: Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Tommie Frazier (gonna win the Heisman), Eddie George (gonna be runner-up), the Gators, Ferris State (hell of a season, men), the Washington Redskins, Dan Dierdorf and Marcus Allen, for telling Al Davis to stick it where the sun don't shine. WHO'S OUT: Da Bears, Da Bucs, Da Jags, June (Brain Lock) Jones, Bill (Gee, Maybe I'm Not A Genius) Parcells, Bryan Cox (Will someone please put a sock in this guy?), Terry Bradshaw, Buddy Ryan (lifetime expulsion) and the Cleveland Browns, who may never win a game again. Hello (sigh) Huddle. Erik Kramer, our old friend. You don't look so good. Lousy game Monday night. That's some defense you Bears have. I know. Who taught them to tackle, Dr. Ruth? Listen. Can I get in the Huddle? Sorry, pal. You're in the wrong uniform. Well, in that case, I was wondering if you could, uh, get a message to Wayne? I've written it in this letter. Here. You want your old job back? Hey, you peeked! . . . Excuse me, Huddle. Hi, Erik. Ohmigod. Everybody bow! It's the King! Aw, shucks. Barry Sanders. The new Lions quarterback. Aw, it was just one option pass. Not your best. I overestimated a tad. A tad? Shawn Bradley couldn't have caught that. Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for my lifetime membership in the Huddle. Next to winning the Heisman and the rushing titles and some eighth-grade bowling trophies, it's my biggest honor. Shucks, don't mention it. And-- Hey, Huddle. I want in! Jimmy Johnson? Why are you here? I thought all you did was hover over people like Don Shula. Now hold on. I never said I wanted Shula's job. Oh, no? I just said I thought another man might be better suited to it. Someone who'd won a Super Bowl in this century. Heh-heh. My God. What? You actually believe your own bull, don't you? Does that mean I can't get in? Sorry, we don't take anyone who still uses The Dry Look by Vitalis. LET'S GO TO THE MAILBAG: Dear Huddle: I believe you are in great need of a chaplain and after all, the Lions' winning streak started when I assigned my schoolchildren to pray for them. Am I in? (Signed) Father Rob Howe, St. Stanislaus Church, Bay City. Thou art. Dear Huddle: I'll get you a great deal on a used car if you let me in. Honest! (Signed) John Babon, Bob Saks Olds, Farmington Hills. Free cars? Who do you think I am -- a TV host? Dear Huddle: I go to Alma College and most of the people here are from small towns and never heard of the Free Press or the Huddle. I got them all into reading it. Is that enough to get in? (Signed) Richard Buszek, Fraser. Sure. Next you can teach them about another new invention: the light bulb. Hey, Huddle: What about us Yooper Lion fans? We're a minority up here. Too many cheeseheads! (Signed) Jim (Beak) Moore and BG's Sports Bar, Escanaba. Beak? I wanna party with you, Cowboy. Hey-YO, HUDDLE. WHooooooeee! Look. Barry Switzer. How are your multiple personalities doing today? Well, we're just -- WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT -- fine, thank you. Nice effort against Washington. A few more like that, and you could miss the playoffs. Shucks. DAMN IT! Ah-choo. How's that? Barry, how come every time we see you, you're either laughing, screaming, jumping up and down or making no sense? Aw, I -- CATCH THE DAMN BALL! -- huh? Never mind. GIVE US THE POLL! RIGHT STINKING NOW! OK, OK, hold your pajamas. TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE 1. San Francisco 29. Cleveland 2. Kansas City 30. Jets 3. Pittsburgh 31. Bears secondary Huddle. Is it true Emmitt Smith and others only yank off their helmets when they score -- to get their faces on TV more? I can't believe that! C'mere, son. Let's talk about the tooth fairy. . . . Mitch Albom will sign copies of his new book, "Live Albom IV," 6-7 tonight at Borders, Southfield, and 1-2 p.m. Saturday, B. Dalton, Eastland Mall. Do you want to be in the Huddle? Send all correspondence to Huddle, c/o Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226 or fax 1-313-222-5983.